5.10.2015

aquaman.

(things from my tumblr that weren't intended to go together but do.)
(should i make that a series thing?)

and just like that, i'm finished. one year of college done. i'm feeling particularly mushy these days, i think it started sometime before i went to see walk the moon in concert and just kinda escalated since then. (i've listened to aquaman at least 124 times since last week and i think i've cried every time.) the weather is actually kind of disgusting. it's raining and all that, but it's not the cleansing rain everybody loves--it's the sticky, humid rain that makes your notebook paper all moist and your hands all clammy and your hair too stringy to handle. i would probably be used to it by now if i didn't spend every waking hour in the music building at school. literally, we were in there so long the sun had gone down and the rain had already marked its territory. the weather is making things feel weird. but then, it's also making me feel. 

i don't know, i've just been thinking about a lot of things lately. for example:

1. sometimes i hate doing the right thing and believing what's right. okay so i don't hate it, but sometimes it's not fun. it's not enjoyable being the one person who doesn't have the same opinion as everyone else. you know that it'll pay off and maybe you'll be rewarded for sticking to your convictions, but when it comes down to it, you just wish you could believe what everyone else did and agree with them and not think about it twice. but you can't do that. and that sucks. 

2. alright, God has this really interesting sense of humour. my piano teacher says He's always smiling down on us, and i think that's true. but goshbubbles. sometimes i think He just straight up laughs at us sometimes. not in a cruel way, but in a "oh, that's so cute, if only she knew" kind of way. for example: when i got to college i thought that since i mostly had my style together and was confident in who i was, it would be super easy for me to get a boyfriend. and i thought i'd get one fast, and then God was like "lol you thought" and so i'm sitting here, still single, listening to aquaman and sobbing quietly. not really sobbing, but. i know this is not the time for boyfriends and things like that. or maybe i'm still trying to get that through my head. but i feel like God is up there chuckling to Himself, all like "oh, jocee, if only you knew." and He's right, because i don't think i do. 

3. i have little crescent moon shadows under my eyes. i think it's time to get some concealer. also, i want 1940s inspired sling-back sandal-heels. 

4. i think i've gotten so comfortable with being alone that i spend more time trying to avoid socialization than i do socializing. last night i hung out with my composer friend alex in her dorm with her friends and i realized that even though it wasn't much, what i needed was to spend some quality time with other people and talk about silly things. i think i've gotten a bit too serious. i think you need to make me step out and not let me turtle back into my little shell. because i'm super good at retracting, i just need to stretch more. 

5. i should probably exercise. and i need to change my diet, because this isn't working. 

6. nicholas petricca's dimple is so cute, oh my Lordest Jesus.

okay i'm done. i just needed to make sense of the things that were going on in my head. and i think i did that. i hope i didn't waste your time or anything, i just needed to talk. let's catch up again sometimes soon, yeah? yeah. 

-kiss kiss kiss, i said i'm not gunna take it from you i'll let you give it to me-
{pea ess: seriously been listening to walk the moon for eight days straight; they've intoxicated me, i tell you.}

4.25.2015

i'm done now, let me go.

an angsty personal piece i did for my digital foundations in music class, it's short and to the point and explains what i want to say better than what i probably would've written out, i went to a great party today and i'm so tired and i want to shower and go to bed but i'm too tired to get up and i don't care anymore, i don't care if you see it because that is the reality and you need to know that it is not my fault. so. happy saturday, good night.


-kiss kiss kiss, think of the future-
{pea ess: to those who've been here since the beginning / have been hear near since the beginning, thank you so much. i got contacted this week from a sweet girl who's been reading for the longest time and her words were crazy encouraging, so i want to shout her out as well as any others who've done the same. y'all are crazy important. keep up the good work, i love you, i'm proud of you.}

4.15.2015

i guess i'm doing youtube again.



so i'm making youtube videos again and i thought you should know. it seemed like the polite thing to do. 

-kiss kiss kiss, shangri las-

4.11.2015

i love you so much. look at the title for a little bit and let that sink in. like chocolate melting on your tongue or pasta.


what to say, what to say... let's see. i did a birthday version of your song and it has some microphone problems and background noise but it's not like i'm good enough at digital audio to remove that and i wanted to give it do you sooner anyways so here you go; i was watching this youtube series called 'i love lucy and bekka' and OH MY GOD it almost exactly what we're going to be like when we live together; i was reading a lot of my old tweets for like zero reason and i realized how much love spilled out of from them and i love you, oh my God i love you so much and i am so so fricking proud of you and i love you and i could not have done any of this without you and thank you and God bless you and

and.

what else is there to even say. you. it's all you. it is all you. and i love you. so much.

happy birthday, five (almost six) days late on here, but. it's a big deal. it really is.

love,
your jo.
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