6.20.2011

i am a wannabe

Today was a bad day. I mean, like, a bad day. For me, the day starts at 5:30am, where I wake up and dress, and go to swim practice for 2hrs. Well, this morning my swim coach was in a pretty bad mood (and you better start praying when he's in a bad mood) so the whole day started off the wrong foot. After the big kid's workout was over, he was all happy and jokey, and that made things a little better. You always seek approval from the people who are in authority over you. It's just natural, you can't help it. 
(this is kinda a random picture, but it helps describe my feelings right now)
After my sister's swim practice I go home and make Kool-Aid, and my dad gets all on me for making it too early in the morning, and how I never close the refrigerator right. Oops. I'm not perfect, and the Kool-Aid was for lunch, besides I like putting random drinks in my vintage Coca-Cola bottle. Now, I woke up at 5:30am, and it's around 10am now. I need a nap. But I don't get one. I have to listen to my mom rant to me about how my laundry never gets done, and that I have to do it specifically the most efficient way. Yes, mom, I love hearing about the proper way to do laundry. It makes my day. Quite the contrary, it makes me feel like I do nothing right. 
After eating a few scrambled eggs (a few meaning a few pieces), I went to lie down, and was awoken atleast three times by my dad who was yelling at *what I think is* the top of his lungs. I'm not sure what he wanted, but I do know I was very upset. My mom had an errand to do and I was sleeping when she left, and was awaken by a yell about the tv's not supposed to be on at 11:30am. I was sleep. I didn't know. And then me and Joy both got a lecture about not have playdough on wood. I'm sorry. I was sleep. Thank you very much. 
I couldn't go back to sleep so I went to get something to drink {hurray for Kool-Aid!} and made myself lunch. And then I hear for the second time of the day "Are you supposed to be eating that like that in here? Because if there are bugs in here later, I'm not cleaning them up" and of course, my mom was at her water aerobics at the time, so who else would have said that? 
The day continued pretty much like that, and I was at the verge of tears before the Homeschool booksale I went to {those aren't fun, my heels killed me}. 
I am so sorry you had to read all of this, but this is pretty much the only place where I can express my feelings. I can't talk to my parents. Especially when it seems like they're only there to find the fault in you. It hurts me more when they try to say sorry, but it makes it harder to forgive them because they're intruding on your alone time. 
*sigh* It's official. I'm a wannabe. 
     I wannabe that girl who lives in the gorgeous house right off the beach...
    I wannabe the best photographer man {and alien} kind has ever seen...
    I wannabe the lucky one who always wins the giveaways...
    I wannabe the popular person who gets greeted with hugs and smiles from everyone. 
But it's not like that.
     I live in a suburb, with a backyard full of silence that's so loud it's hard to think.
    My photography is nothing close to amazing. 
    I don't win anything.
    And sometimes I'm greeted with stares and cold nods. 
At the end of the day I asked one of my parents if they could help me unload the books we brought home from the booksale. Their response was a "pssh" and "I've got things to do." Now, the book sale wasn't bad, and I thought the day would be better, but those words ruined it. Again. 
Life hurts sometimes. And sometimes I've let it get me down. 
Yeah, tomorrow's a new day. Life should be better tomorrow. 
I don't feel like a signature today, so:
-Jocee <3

27 comments :

  1. Aw Jocee... *hugs* MAybe it would cheer you up to know I had a rough day too. ;)

    You should enter my photo challenge! :D faeries-and-beads.blogspot.com

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  2. aweh :( sorry you had a bad day. getting nagged is the worse! sometimes being a teen really sucks.. don't let life get you down! :)

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  3. {{Hugs}}

    I know how you feel. Hang in there, all will look up later!

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  4. Awwww...hun, I'm sorry. *big hug* Email meh when you've got the time...I've missed you:'( Oh and tomorrow will be better then today, just wait and see:)
    Love you so much<3 <3

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  5. learning123adifferentway.blogspot.com

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  6. Day's like that happen. Just take it all to Jesus. Praying for you!

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  7. Aw Jocee, I definitely hope tomorrow is a better day for you. Maybe your parents aren't in a good mood, so they took it out on you a little. But remember, they still love you! :) I'll pray for you my bloggy friend!

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  8. Jocee. I have been where you are right now. I always felt like my parents were chewing me down for something I did wrong or what I didn't do. I always felt their disapproval. My heart aches to know you feel like this. Because I know. Been there, felt that.

    Want my advise? Here's what I did.

    I stopped thinking about myself.

    My wants, my needs, my tiredness, and my alone time. I denied myself of those things until I made sure my family is satisfied.

    I realized that I was not put on this earth to make ME happy. I am here to love and make OTHERS happy. This is my advise to you. Start today and do what you can to make OTHERS (your family, friends, random people) happy. Then you will be content and happy too. :)

    I certainly hope that helps you. ;)

    Have a wonderful day Jocee. I will be praying for you!
    xxxx~Kelsey

    (oh btw, I lived right on the beach, it ain't all that it's cracked up to be. Your blessed where you are)

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  9. Aww. How could your parents be so mean? I wish you didn't have to go through that.. I hope today is much better.

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  10. <333

    (hugs)

    I'm sorry your day went like that. I'm praying for you!

    Did you know I wannabe you sometimes? It's true. Ask Qui. You have a lovely blog with a lot of followers and a lot of insightful posts. I love your photography.

    Speaking of giveaways, I'm entered in one that ends at noon today. Eek!

    Hope your day gets better.

    Love,
    Amaranthine

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  11. I'm sorry you had a bad day. :(

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  12. I'm sorry you had a bad day. I hope today goes better for you. I think maybe the most important thing for you to remember here is that your parents, even though they are grouchy and critical love you immensely. I'm sure they would feel bad if they knew you felt sad and under credited.

    -- Pearl

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  13. It's okay to feel l=that way Jocee. Every ones parents have days where they just can't seem to find anything right that you do. Believe me, with my mom wanting me in dance team and my dad wanting me in track, and me v=being in show choir and schoolastic bowl instead, they get upset that I'm not what they expected sometimes.
    You just have to remember that you probably could have it worse. I mean, I know it's an overused saying and all, but it's true. Imagine not being able to afford to go to swim lessons, and all that. And believe me, things always become better. Again, I know it's an overused saying, but aren't overused ones the best ones?

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  14. Hi Jocee, I just came across your blog today. Its very cute :) I read this post, and first of all I want to say that I completely understand how you feel/felt at times like that. I want to say something to comfort you, but all I can think of is what I tell myself at times like that. It'll pass. Sure, there'll be more moments like that, and worse, but there are a million better moments and those are the ones we should put energy into ranting about ;) Its not wrong to talk about how you feel-in fact, it helps. But don't stay there, sad and lonely, because there's something you can do to help someone else, and that'll distract you from yourself and show you life is worth living. :) Always treat others as you would like to be treated, forgive them as you'd like to be forgiven, choose to be happy no matter what because the bad days come and go. Tomorrows always fresh with no mistakes or disappointments in it. :) I hope this has encouraged you!
    blessings,
    Katherine

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  15. Aww so sorry to hear about your bad day. Hopefully Wednesday will be A MILLION times better for you!!!!

    And girl, I totally understand. Some days are just the pits.

    Love ya,
    Manda

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  16. Hey Jocee,
    I'm kinda new here, but I just want to say I'm praying for you <3. Even when your parents may not be there for you, God is, always lovin' you :-). You're in my prayers! I haven't been on this blog long, but I already think you are an exceptional, special young person created by God to fulfill his purpose for you <3.
    Blessings,
    Talia

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  17. I'm so sorry. And it looks like I'm the only commenter on this post so far. That stinks (sucks, whatever:). Stuff like that happens to everyone. It happens, you feel like dog poop, and you move on. I know how you feel!

    Bethany. :)

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  18. Awwww.. we all have horrible days but don't worry! Hope is always there and it WILL get MUCH better :)

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  19. I'm sorry you're feeling down, Jocee... we all have days when everything feels like it's going wrong. I know you might not want to hear this, but I really don't think your family meant to ruin your day... who knows, maybe they were having a tough day, too.

    Hang in there, girl! Just work at it, and someday you'll be the lucky photographer with the gorgeous beach house. <3

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  20. Oh, Jocee, I feel so bad for you! I really do, because I know how you feel. :( It's not fun when it feels like the whole world is there to make you sad or mad. :( I hope you feel better! *sends Jocee virtual cupcakes*

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  21. I feel for you deary. I want to express to you words of wisdom to comfort you in this time, but I can't seem to find the right words to say. And I would not wish to impart on you my own frustrations and, in the end, fuel the fire.

    But, know this: while life can be rocky at times and doesn't ever seem as though it will ease up, God is in control and He loves you. While I won't go into detain, I will say this: I understand and sympathize with you when you vent about your parents. More than you'll ever know. One thing that has helped me is communication. It was hard and uncomfortable at first because I was dreadfully afraid they would become confrontational. I prayed to God about the right time and forced myself to speak to them. To my surprise, they were very open and accepting. Let them know how you feel. They may not be very open to it at first, but you'll at least be able to rest in the fact that you've made your feelings known to them. It's liberating to release bottled up emotions and face them head on.

    I'll be praying for you!

    Lots of love and prayer,
    Emily

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  22. Aww, I'm sorry things are tough right now, Jocee! Things aren't the best over here at my home too. I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. And remember, Jesus still loves you and cares about you; that's something I still have to remember too.

    Love and hugs,
    Jamie Joyce

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  23. Awwwww! I'm sorry. We all have those days, even me! Yes, the 19 year old fiancee getting married in a year. My parents still do that to me. I think they're programmed. I feel sorry and hopefully tomorrow will be better.

    **tomorrow tomorrow I love you tomorrow you're only a day away**

    Love ya!

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  24. I'm sorry your day was like that! I hate those kind of days. :( Grr.

    But... HUZZAH FOR NEW DAYS! xD

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  25. aw I'm so sorry you had such a crabby day! :( I hope the rest of the week has been going better for you!
    You are in my thoughts and prayers girl!

    much love♥♥

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  26. i know this post was written forever ago, but i know just how you feel (felt?) at times like this. but if a day like this ever happens again, just know that you've got friends here on blogger that are here for you--even if you've never met them beyond the virtual world of blogging. :D

    ☼Sydney☼

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sometimes i do not understand why you guys like me so much, but the fact that you do (and that you keep coming around) makes me happier than you can even imagine.

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