here i am once again

but i'm not torn to pieces. not...literally, anyway. 
camp. i told myself to remember the excitement when i was driving down the familiar dirt road. i did allegiance to the American flag that waved a few hundred yards from the buildings, and i felt a tingle of anticipation when i saw all the cars parked alongside the way. 

i told myself to remember how tight haley hugged me. i hugged her harder. she cried "uncle". no, not really. i saw kari was wearing that shirt again. i remember how hard i ran to catch up to bleah. her braces are gone. she looks gorgeous, as always. 

we're all in the same dorm, like we were before. haley sleeps in the corner as usual. i sleep where kari slept last. nearly every bed is filled, and the bathroom is filled with makeup, hair products, body washes and perfumes, and the smell reminds me of collin. no ice cream at this fall retreat. no collin or ryan, either. goshbubbles, but i don't care. i'm at camp. the smell is almost comforting. this is my home away from home. 

dear carina,
you have the absolute prettiest voice. 
your harmonizing partner. 

dear lorena, 
it's either just me, or you really like purple.
the observer. 

dear kelsey,
your hair wand is magic. i finally got to wear my hair like taylor swift today! 
with a yay,

dear cassie, 
i want your hadleigh name tag. just sayin'....
awesome speller. 

dear jourdan,
loving the "u" in jourdan
ditto the name tag bit.

dear cheyenne, 
your nails match your hair and that's beast
totally digging it. 

dear hannah,
your hair reminds me of red velvet cupcakes. and those taste rather delicious
i can't believe that's a word. 

dear meghan,
i didn't know they had toothbrushes that sang justin bieber. 
i'm totally serious, 
weirded out a little bit. 

dear bleah,
you're bleah. you don't need an explanation
the one you always call "love". 

dear david, 
you may not like me but i'm not leaving
i know it's a goshbubbles moment,
so go ahead and say it. 

dear tc, 
you give the most terrible hugs. also, you owe me a song on your guitar. also, your tan line is drastic. but i'm sure no one needed to know that. also, you first class stalker, you.
but not really that sorry. 

dear kelan,
i win with thirty-eights hits. but this isn't over
james bond-ly,
your personal shoulder hitter. 

dear kari,
you owe me a french fishtail. also, thank you for the cheese sticks and curly fries
i use that word a lot. 

dear jordan,
i'm so, so sorry. and you know what i'm talking about. also, did you keep that bracelet?
the bracelet is good for a hockey puck. just sayin'. 

dear isaac,
i am not going to kill you. not yet, anyway
i promise,
i really do promise. 

dear emma,
you're so funny. also, thank you for warming up my hands
you're so cute,
yes, yes you are. 

dear macy,
i love the way you talk
for reals,
keep doing that.

dear benjamin,
it was a pleasure taking you on the go-carts
the girl who wants to babysit you.

dear ebube,
oh my lip gloss, 
i will always remember tc's reaction.

dear haley, 
you know you love me. thank you for letting me fishtail your hair. also, i can't believe you licked my elbow. also, you totally made out with my cheeseburger. also, i think leanne would be a good middle name for you. i'm going to call you that from now on. also, i think you're gorgeous. from now on i'm going to introduce you as "this is haley. haley is gorgeous." also, you act like my mom. also, you're my role model and i want to be just like you when i grow up. also, this was long so i'm going to stop. but wait, i think johnny depp is awesome. and looks good in white. mostly blue, but whatever.
the girl who loves you and will make you cry someday. 

when i drove home nostalgia filled my nostrils. i sat in the backseat so i could read my new Ted Dekker novel and eventually i just put the book down and fell asleep. i replayed everything that took place this weekend in my dreams, and i'm going to be counting down the days until i see this lovely bunch of people again. but for now: a post is not a post without a cupcake.
goodnight, you gorgeous people. and yes, haley i cried. and i hope you cry when you read this. because if you don't, i'll have to hit you in the nose, and then you'll definitely cry.

-kiss kiss kiss, hug gorgeous haley-
{pee ess: thank you to all my guest posters. i enjoyed you immensely.}
{pee pee ess: guest posted over here today. also, thinking about starting a little band of sorts called "senses of fernweh". or "scenes of fernweh". which one is best?}


  1. Awww, I want to go to camp with you guys. <3 Sounds like you had so much fun. :)

    xoxo, hayley

  2. Jocee, you totally crack me up!!!
    *dies laughing*

  3. This was so sweet.
    I just wanted to say thank you for your sweet comments on my blog recently. They have really made me smile and I am glad you took time to say hello!
    Also--my brother has just gone to university and one of his new friends there is friends with Edmund from the Narnia films. When I heard that I thought of you & your 'husband'.

  4. Both posts are amazing! Thanks so much! :)

  5. This made me smile. :)
    And to be quite frank, the word 'incandescently' is worthy of being used often. :D

  6. Reply to your comment~ I use a cannon rebel, I am obsessed, i literally take pictures of.......everything. its quite obnoxious.

  7. dear joccee,
    you're just loverly and i want to meet you.
    love your no1 fan,


sometimes i do not understand why you guys like me so much, but the fact that you do (and that you keep coming around) makes me happier than you can even imagine.

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