5.24.2012

i'm sorry i wasn't good enough for you.

this is the last one.

seeing you on saturday wasn't as hard as i thought it would be. actually, i was pretty excited, because i heard you rented some photography equipment {70-200mm sports lens? my gosh.} to shoot photo/video, and since we were both interested in photography, i figured it'd be fun.

i'm not always right. why did you have to be so mean? i'm not being mean, i'm just focused. you wouldn't look at me, or talk to me, and when you did your tone was hard and your eyes cut like a diamond on a glass door. you acted sort of cocky. like you knew what you were doing and you didn't need any suggestions, and when i asked you a question you told me to find the answer myself. you're smart. you can do it. 

and even when your mom told you to be nice, you retorted, you can't believe everything she says! there's more than one thing i can think of to explain that. i thought you'd at least smile at me. smile. but instead you turned to one of your friends and said, i'm going to talk to you now and avoid jocelyn. avoid me, like i was some kind of plague. you are such an-- i had to catch myself before i cursed. i didn't know our relationship would ever come to this, the relationship we never had.

your mom had to make you hug me. you gave an obliging smile and patted me on the back like i was a dog who just performed a good trick. and it was through all this that i realized you don't remember. you don't remember the laughs, the jokes, the fun that we had.

so, eli, this is me saying goodbye. finally saying goodbye after... what, six years too long? it's hopeless. we're hopeless. but it's cool, because you taught me never to do this again. never again. you never wanted me, and even though it's silly to say so, i'm sorry i wasn't good enough.

so, you can rest assured that when i come over to your house to bake cupcakes with your little sister {oh yes, we're best friends now. didn't you know?} you won't get a crumb.
-kiss kiss kiss, because i found a boy-

24 comments :

  1. you are good enough, jocee! he just couldn't see it. <3

    ReplyDelete
  2. oh, jocee, this makes me so sad. i just went back and read the whole saga and everything and *sigh* love. i love love, i really do, but it's hard, isn't it? good for you for saying goodbye though! he deserves it and so do you. bake yourself cupcakes and tell yourself that there is a guy out there who will one day, maybe not today, and probably not tomorrow, but one day, he will believe that you, yes you, are infinitely special. it's kind of worth the wait, i think. because when that day comes, you'll look back at this and think that you weren't good for him because you were perfect for somebody else.

    ReplyDelete
  3. i love your eli posts, its awesome to be able to see you sorta grow through it all. i'm glad your saying goodbye to him, tho obviously i may not have the right to be glad about this. its hard to say goodbye to people, but sometimes best =)
    xox, noni

    ReplyDelete
  4. Did this really happen?! :( Well, you're good enough for me! :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Please don't let it ruin your day, it will make me sad. You deserve so much more than him. You are such a wonderful person and (seriously) one of my goals is to meet you sometime. It will be okay.

    -ryan

    ReplyDelete
  6. you are precious and wonderful and loving, jocee. he doesn't deserve such an amazing person as you, darling. you were made for so much more. we must remember that God brings people into our lives, not because we want them, not because we love them or hate them, but because He has a plan to use them. He has a purpose.
    i love you dear! <3
    xoxo,
    gracie

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm sorry this dude couldn't see how wonderful you are, Jocelyn.
    I'm sorry boys can be jerks sometimes.
    I'm sorry Eli wasn't your Peter Pevensie.
    I'm sorry you can't have your Prince now....but hey, God will make it happen soon enough <3

    -L

    ReplyDelete
  8. you go, girl. you deserve to be treated like a queen, so any guy that doesn't act like a king isn't good enough for YOU. amen and amen.

    also, i kinda just said 'see ya' to the guy i was liking. (he was a playah.) thanks for sharing -- this really hit the spot.

    ReplyDelete
  9. wow. I'm so sorry jocee but good for you for being honest and true to yourself. I agree with everything Christina said.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Sorry for my blunt-ness, but I kinda wanna smack this guy upside the head for his downright rudeness!

    Jocee, he isn't worthy of YOU. Not the other way around.

    I know this was a sad post, but...thank you for posting this. In honesty, I've come to sort of the same conclusion lately. I haven't been in a relationship with a guy or anything, but I just always wonder "is he the one? is he the one?" and it clouds my thoughts. thank you for posting this...you truly are a brave heart, dear.

    God bless you, Jocee <3.

    Talia

    ReplyDelete
  11. p.s. @Christina - yes, yes, yes thank you for posting that comment! I agree wholeheartedly!!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. dear jocee, you are amazing and he isn't worthy of you. you deserve more than him, jocee, you really do. just remember there is someone out there, and you're perfect for each other <3.

    ReplyDelete
  13. It's always sad to see a relationship not flourish but then I'm proud of you for being cool with this and turned to the brightside...Eli doesn't sound like the good guy for you anyway. xx
    -Jianine

    ReplyDelete
  14. this makes me sad! to see you being treated like this! its just terrible - you are beautiful, smart, cute, and talented! it's too bad eli will never get to really see how awesome you are... you are definitely good enough for any boy who will treat you with respect!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Aw, I just went through and read the rest of the eli saga. Sigh. You really have a way of writing it out and stirring emotions. ;) I'm so sorry he acted like that. And I agree wholeheartedly with what gracie said. He has a plan.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Honestly, I've been waiting for this day because you thought so much of Eli and yet he's probably never used one millisecond to think of you. This whole saga was just sad. Never, ever demote your worth for someone else. You're worth far more than what Eli will ever fathom, and one day, somebody will be able to understand how much you're worth and cherish you like you're gold.
    (Sorry for being blunt, by the way. It was just really, really hard to watch someone as awesome as you going through something as tragic as this).

    ReplyDelete
  17. Don't let anyone ever tell you that your not good enough. Because you are. Your only human, you know? One day you'll find the most perfectest guy there ever was...because God is just that awesome in what he has planned for you. ;) God is holding you right in his hands girl, he'll never let you go. <3

    ReplyDelete
  18. You are so good enough! Maybe he just thought he wasn't good enough for you, because he is so rude.

    You know, the same thing happened to me. We were best friends, and then he just stopped talking to me completely. So, I just decided that if a boy is gonna act like towards me, he doesn't deserve me.

    There is someone out there who will treat you with respect, trust me :)

    ~Lily

    lilycarolinephotography.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  19. Things like this make my heart hurt. I'm so sorry he had to be that way. I hate when times change. When you're best friends, and a couple years go by and suddenly you're strangers. Sounds like he doesn't deserve you if he acts like that.

    ReplyDelete
  20. This is so sad! He really didn't deserve you. It is sad that he couldn't be your peter pevensie. Im so sorry jocee

    ReplyDelete
  21. I understand how hard it is having to say goodbye to someone. I guess I sorta just went through something like this, and even though it was hard saying goodbye, I still believe that God brings all the people that you meet in your life for a purpose. Keep trusting God, because I promise he has an amazing guy out there for you someday. :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. SO SAD!!!! Saying goodbye is the hardest thing a person has to go through. I hope you find a boy similar to him that will love you forever.

    =^..^= Hunteress =^..^=

    ReplyDelete
  23. This breaks my heart. So sad.
    Yet so well written.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Did you at least hang the sign up. I know how ypu feel haters will be haters

    ReplyDelete

sometimes i do not understand why you guys like me so much, but the fact that you do (and that you keep coming around) makes me happier than you can even imagine.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...