1.15.2013

there she goes again.

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i wake up this morning, turning my head to see the clock. 7:47am. mommy pokes her scarf-wrapped head in, whispers, "time to get up." but i still have 13 minutes left because my schedule says i get up at 8am. or maybe it says 7:30. i make a note to double-check. 6 minutes later mommy threatens to turn on the overhead light, and i get out of bed before she does, slipping on worn pink house-shoes and grabbing a blanket that joy doesn't need off of her bedspread. i trudge downstairs, seeing another blanket on my office chair, and i scoop it up and lay it over my feet. the day begins for me as i open my computer like i always do.

the rest is unimportant until i go upstairs to dress before leaving to go to school. 10:43am now, as i pull on soft teal green jeans and a lace sweet pea green blouse. one silver earring, my favourite watch, grey  [or gray, i can never decide] oxfords and a splash of the perfume mom got for Christmas. i feel like the bright colours of spring as the dead of winter sets in. but that's okay, because i like standing out. it's cold, so i slip on knee-highs and the warmest coat i own next to my mink before packing my lunch and supplies.

when i get there, it's only 11:20. my first class starts at 11:50. i walk quickly through the courtyard and into my perspective building, feeling a rush of heat cover my face as i open the door. ashley sits on the bench in the hallway with headphones over her ears. i smile and sit next to her, and she smiles back, but says nothing. 11:28 now. i see few that i know and many that i've seen but have never introduced myself to. i regret that for some reason.

fast forward to the start of class. the room fills, half with people i do know and half with people i don't. the professor walks in with a perky grin on his face. he's always perky, he always smiles, and yet he manages to kick us in our royal asgardians with harmonic fabric and major and minor 7ths. he calls roll and hands out this semester's syllabus, and begins to explain it momentarily. i realise that i am the only person from last semester's class sitting in the front row; only people i have yet to meet sit on either side of me.

this semester is another beginning. it's a season of traditions that are to be repeated for the second time over, and "it's only going to go downhill from here," as my professor so calmly says (with a smile on his face). here i go lugging my bright red computer bag across campus, holding myself up with the promise that i'm gaining arm muscles like thor's. here i go sitting next to and across from people who will soon be some of my greatest friends. here i go talking to the librarians about food and children when i should be studying. here i go running across the courtyard in shoes that are too big from the cold days when i stuffed fuzzy socks in them. and i don't know. i don't know what this semester will bring. hopefully A grades and a lot of new friends. but as i sit here looking at my crappy pictures and rambly prose, i think of a quote from tuck everlasting that says:
Don't be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life. You don't have to live forever, you just have to live. -natalie babbit
so, whatever awaits is basically waiting for me to live it. and now that i think about that, i remember what joy said as she and mommy dropped me off on campus for the first time in a month. "there she goes again."

so here i go.
-kiss kiss kiss, darn skippy-
{pea ess: wow that was a long post.}

23 comments :

  1. Your hands are seeriously skilled.. I think your pictures/posts get better every time! :)
    Pea ess : your outfit sounds like perfection.

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  2. crappy pictures. MY FOOT. Your pictures are amazing! that first one is perfect and the last one is even more perfect so there!

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  3. first off, don't even think about calling those photos crappy, because i like them a lot, and my taste is not that horrible, thank you.

    secondly, i'm so happy that you're enjoying your classes. i just know you're going to kick butt this semester. ;) on a side note, i just went down to the community college and signed up for my own classes today. they start in march, so till then, off to apply for more jobs i go... xx

    ( the alcove )

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  4. The way you write just draws me in. Sheesh you're talented.

    Crappy pictures? I don't think so. I love the first one :)

    -Leanna

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  5. my goodness! Darling you are so talented. This is so beautiful and simple :)
    I love the first photo; i love how warm it looks!

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  6. love this. and your photos are beautiful.

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  7. You are seriously talented. Love this.

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  8. I was grinning happily when I saw your first picture for some odd reason. I've been acting very strangely and doing un-Jenny like things...

    When I saw the quote from Tuck Everlasting, my heart leaped. I LOVE that book. I'm so glad I read that book.

    Don't worry, I like long posts. I ramble a lot (if you haven't noticed yet) and I never lost interest. Once. Your posts really really really really really etc. etc. etc. inspire me. I'm serious. Honestly. 110% true. You are one of my role-models who inspire me to do great things in the world and to trudge on instead of digging a hole (if i even have the energy to do that) and crawling into it. I thank you for creating this blog and making me and everyone else feel inspired. Dude. You. Are. Amazing. Like. Seriously. *Applause*

    Gotta go. Love,
    ~Jenny

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  9. I hope this semester for you is one of new friends, experiences, and life time memories. xo

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  10. oh wow! I should be used to my jaw dropping each and every time I read your works. but you shock me everytime! well done! xx | Natalia.

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  11. THAT FIRST PICTURE THAT FIRST PICTURE also OH MY HOLY COW GEEZ WOMAN WHY MUST YOU I CAN'T IT'S ALL THE FEELS NOTHING MAKES SENSE NOW HOW IN THE WORLD DO YOU WRITE LIKE THIS YOU ARE INSANE AND YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND YOU ARE DARLING.

    Ah, the semester starts again. I'm taking more college classes, and I'm incredibly apprehensive about the way this semester will go, and I desperately don't want it to start, but I'm also really excited for it to. It makes no sense, I'm aware. My whole life is fairly nonsensical, but it works out. In some small, impossible way, it works out.
    And Tuck Everlasting. I love you for throwing that quote in there. Well, I love you anyway.
    And I wish I had fashion sense as good as you. teal and pea green and oxfords and red laptops bags. yes please.
    And did I mention I'm incredibly happy you're back on the internet and writing for all of us crazy fans of yours.
    And I think the american way is "gray" and the uk way is "grey." You should spell it the uk way.
    And this post just made the life in me renew to the fullest after a long and hard and frightening day. I feel joyful now. How? I don't know. I went from tears to laughter, I don't know.
    And I really like you, if you haven't taken the hint yet. I'm guessing you have. I just needed another reason to say it.

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  12. also - crappy pictures my butt.

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  13. Your pictures (which are sooooooo not crappy) are absolutely fantastic, as well as your words. And even though I can't see your outfit, it sounds very cozy and cute. ;)

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  14. That was so beautiful and poetic and I love, love, love the picture! :) I hope you had a wonderful day back :)
    Kimmy x

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  15. Your photos are SO cool! I would love to learn some photography tips from you! :)

    http://thegummybearnotebook.blogspot.com/

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  16. if only you would "go" my way! ;)

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  17. Hey Jocee!

    I was wondering -- what font did you use on the header for Kiley Marissa?

    Thanks! :)

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  18. um. yah. crappy pictures my butt.

    these words are sososo good. i just always love reading what you have to say. :)

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  19. OK STOP. your pictures aren't crappy and you're writng is far from crappy and i really feel the way you feel except i'm stuck in a highschool with a lot of snobbish people but i'm really judging them because i haven't taken the time to meet them and i'm not good at branching out.

    and i love your pictures. really.

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  20. You're so skilled in the art of writing, especially about your life.
    It's just beautiful :)

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  21. first and third pictures. AMAZING.

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sometimes i do not understand why you guys like me so much, but the fact that you do (and that you keep coming around) makes me happier than you can even imagine.

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