3.04.2013

symptoms that i am in too deep.

clammy hands and nervous sweats.
stardust that cannot be fathomed into stars that cannot be fathomed into constellations (stomach butterflies, if you will).
shaky breathing.
incessant showing of teeth (smiling).
stumbling over words.
tapping of feet.
sudden self-consciousness (outside).
sudden self-worth contemplation (inside).
the inability to look you in the eyes most of the time.

you told me, on the night of the super bowl party, that maybe i'd waded in too deep.
i replied "oh honey. i nosedived in."

i write this when i probably shouldn't be, while you're sitting next to me. song lyrics and fragmented sentences etched into our arms with blue pens whose ink is splotchy. horrible prose and translations of spanish. i know looking into people's eyes is your forte, but when it comes to you, i cannot do it for fear of all my secrets spilling onto your arms at once; 
and i know your arms are already filled with secrets of your own.

i saw him, yesterday. bits and pieces of what happened.
-kiss kiss kiss, i'm so afraid of-

29 comments :

  1. This is beautiful. And writing this next to him? Gah, you're brave.

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  2. this is so beautiful. and you're quite courageous. i'd never write this, even if i wasn't with him.

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  3. All these "symptoms"... you know how I can relate!

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  4. i feel really stupid being behind... but, who's him ;)
    xx,
    s

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    1. one of my best guy friends who i happen to like. :P
      read: http://thecupcakedictionary.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-venn-diagram.html, http://thecupcakedictionary.blogspot.com/2013/02/i-apologise-for-my-feelings.html, http://thecupcakedictionary.blogspot.com/2013/02/untitled.html, http://thecupcakedictionary.blogspot.com/2013/02/it-started-with-whisper.html.

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  5. oh, love this, Jocee. :) so beautiful. x

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  6. infatuation is different then liking someone

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    1. Oh believe me. I know. It's more than infatuation, these are just some of the physical feels I get when I'm around him. :)

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  7. Awww Joc, you are so brave! I could never ever do that! But when I like a guy, I'm always veryyy quiet about it. :) God bless you both, and anything He might possibly bring about for the two of you!

    xoxo,
    Manda
    http://meandjesus-amanda.blogspot.com

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  8. Wow this is beautiful! I haven't liked anyone like that in a while, but when I did every time I spent time with him it was really special.

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  9. beautiful, and oh so very true. i've recently been reacquainted with those feelings. :)

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  10. ahhhhhhhh... love love love this! xx

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  11. I love how brave you are Jocee, you wonderful, girl you. :) This is beautiful.

    ~Madi

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  12. While you were next to him? Aww, Jocee! <3

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  13. PS: you should take a peek at my 'favorites' page...

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  14. yup, pretty sure my heart is melted wax right now. love this, doll.

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  15. oh, just beautiful jocee...
    looking forward to more! and gee, you're pretty brave to write it with him next to you :)

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  16. I am gushing right now. major feels, okay? this is flippin' perfect, Jocee.

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  17. gaaaah. you. make. me. envious. like, you've found a boy... someone more than just 'a boy', too - (if you know what I mean!). :)

    and goodness you express your feelings a little too well.

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    Replies
    1. hah, i guess i did in a way. we're really good friends, though. which i think matters a lot.

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  18. Oh geez. This is utterly intriguing. I love your description immensely.
    You express your feelings in words so effectively. I'm lovin' it <3

    Lovely, Jocee.

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  19. Woooah, you were writing this next to him!?

    Well, I would, too. XD That's the ONE brave thing I have the courage to do. Write next to someone that might be about them. I can't even say it to my friends. I can only write it. I know, me ish weird. {aren't we all?}

    I really like how you wrote this. :P
    ~jenny

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  20. i miss feeling like this! jocee, this is beautiful.

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  21. I'm going to show this to him at school tomorrow.

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  22. "oh honey. i nosedived in." is perfect. i cannot even begin to tell you how much i'm swooning over your writing.

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sometimes i do not understand why you guys like me so much, but the fact that you do (and that you keep coming around) makes me happier than you can even imagine.

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