8.08.2013

please ignore the thumbnail.

in the midst of a heavy bout of anxiety, i wrote something. it's insignificant to this, but i hastily titled it don't tread on me. or do - i won't speak up either way. well, this is me speaking up. for myself. and yes, i know my forearms are ridiculous. ten years of swimming. just remember that.

-kiss kiss kiss, snap snap snap-

16 comments :

  1. I love how honest you are with your feelings and your life. You are a very brave girl. Some of the cons you spoke of, I can relate as well. And I understand the hurt. Peace <3 Love your videos and your youtube channel ;)

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  2. Jocee.
    I cried.
    I wish I could hug you right now. I wish more people could see you for who you are. the amazing, beautiful, passionate, caring, energetic, loving Jocee. that's how I see you. I wish people would just shut there little selfish traps(sorry) and accept you. But people are so dang quick to judge by such trivial things, such as looks.(even me)
    I just want you to know, I love who you are. I love every little thing about you. your skin, your awesome hair, your big heart that loves SO hard, your dreams. you.
    God bless you Jocee. Bless you.
    Amen

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  3. Everything is I'm a very private person, and I don't like to tell people about what's happening in my life. So when I do eventually tell them about something exciting they are super super happy. When I went to France for work for 3 weeks, and came back to church, everyone was super happy and asked me questions about what happened; I was touched but I felt overwhelmed by all the attention because my introversion. I guess I don't realize how lucky I am in that respect. But one of these days very soon you'll be around a group of people who appreciate your achievements and are happy for your future endeavors.

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  4. amani ( pronouced AWE-SOME)August 8, 2013 at 5:13 PM

    Love the beginning of the video hilarious, LOVE how honest you are. You totally stole my phrase of AWESOMENESS for your channel name, but I forgive you. Carry on you are beautifully and wonderfully made.

    :)

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  5. I have to wash my hair like every other day.. lucky duck.

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  6. Em's comment was perfect and I can't say it better but I just want you to know that your ultimate con ... hearing you say it, my soul was enlightened. illuminated. and I felt an assurance that you're okay. God has it all under his loving control. and again, the tears nearly came for me. and again, I love you.

    God bless.
    xx Leslie

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  7. Jocee. I'm crying.
    i'm crying for you, and im crying for me.
    because what you just said right there, is like my life.
    ive never. ever. ever fit in with my group of friends like my siblings fit in. ever.
    theres something that they just don't get about me, or something. i have the same problem with my family sometimes. im just different than they think i am. i'll say something, and they'll just laugh thinking its a joke. i laugh with them, then i leave, and i'll cry. or something. because its not fair. its never fair. its not fair how they dont get it, and laugh about it. and when i try to explain it, they just make an excuse for themselves.

    but thankfully there are a few people. they might not understand so much, or maybe they do, but they still accept me for who i am. and that just makes everything ten times better.
    i just wish more people could be like them.

    but because of how my family and friends are, i cant tell them everything. almost like i cant trust them.
    my deepest secrets i have to keep hidden, because i cant take someone laughing at them. i cant do it.
    i feel that if they do laugh at them, it will break me. and i really cant handle that.
    so i tuck them away, waiting for the right person. waiting to tell them all those things that need to be told, but i just cant let them go. i cant just tell them to every tom dick and harry, so i have to wait for that someone.
    thing is, i think i may have found them. but i wont know for sure for a while, probably.
    but it makes me happy to think of them.
    because they make me feel me, they bring out the best of me, and i can be me, truly me, around them.

    thank you for this, jocee.
    youre amazing.
    youre.
    goshdarnit. jocee. seriously.
    you are the best.
    im not kidding.
    this video is also the best. i love you so much, i just wish i could get to know you more.
    because before i saw this video, we seemed a lot different.
    but now, we seem a lot alike.
    deep down inside.

    xo,
    rn
    www.rachelnicoleblog.com

    ps-i know this comment is all jumbled and as scrambled as eggs. i hope you can make some sense out of it.

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    Replies
    1. see, this ^^ this is my life.
      and i'm both happy
      and sad (perks)
      but now i realize how that could be.

      and what you said is how.
      i'm here, by the way. whenever you need it. :) <3

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    2. thank you so much, jocee. I just might need to come to someone sometime. :)
      and i just want to clarify that my life isn't bad. i have a good life. when you read my first comment, it kind of seems like im always sad and everything. i definitely have my good days (they usually involve the person who might just be the person i need. okay, they all include that person), and i have my bad days, too.
      i dont want it to seem like i have a bad life, because i dont. its just i dont really have anyone who i can confide with in person. but if i can confide with you online, that will definitely help me. thank you so much!

      and when i keep all that i need to keep hidden, and i dont think about it. its really not so bad. i can be happy. and i will be happy, its just sometimes those sad thoughts creep up on me, and it usually happens at a bad time.

      xo,
      rn

      ps- i really mean it when i say you're the best. really.

      Delete
    3. oh of course! i have a good life, too. and they all pretty much involve ocean these days, so. :)

      Delete
  8. Throughout the week, a certein 'theme' has been rising to my awareness. It's 'love your neighbor as yourself'. I know a lot of people misunderstand you and cannot comprehend why you do what you do. Why you are who you are. And yes, I honestly know what that's like (#soml). But when I see your vivacious storytelling, the passionate enthusiasm behind your eyes...and the pain too, I just wish people would take the second greatest commandment or the golden rule seriously. You've got such a beautiful heart, Jocelyn. It's been wonderful getting to know you, but even better, learning from you.

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  9. It was so very interesting, great and different watching you talk about yourself in a video like this...I really loved it, and I felt for you so, I can relate too. :)
    I really admire your honesty and sharing about this with us, it's very special. <3

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  10. i extremely love how you got real.
    holding nothing back.
    doing what you do.
    It inspires me, and i'm sure loads of other human beings who watch this.
    and i can't wait for your next video.
    <3
    rachel esther

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  11. Thank you for being so honest about it all.
    I am an introvert, and honest to goodness have never felt connected to anyone in my church. When I try they are never happy about my joys, or never listen to my stories. Thank you for saying this and then reminding me (US) that though life may be tough at points we are made by a God who is all knowing and who carries us when we need him and holds us when we think we don't.
    Thank you, I am a lonely soul who just got comforted by a truly AWESOME girl.
    Silverstreak
    (and P.S- I love your youtube account name)

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  12. Oh darling, you are not conceited, but real and truthful and passionate. If it makes you feel any better, I think I have excellent taste in music and books and often browse my Tumblr and Pinterest to remind myself of that.
    (;

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  13. I feel you girl! Watch the below vid, excuse the french but I think you can relate


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3v98CPXNiSk

    xxx :)

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sometimes i do not understand why you guys like me so much, but the fact that you do (and that you keep coming around) makes me happier than you can even imagine.

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