you remind yourself to breathe. in, out. in, out. in, out.
you make yourself something to eat, you make yourself eat.
you sing the song they would've sung to you had they been there.
and yes, you sound like a maniac for doing it.
you laugh like everything's fine in front of your family
and immerse yourself in the characters on the tv.
for the love of peace, you do not cry.
because you don't think you deserve it.
but not crying
is partly what got you here in the first place.
the truth is, woman,
i need you right now.
and if you don't come,
i don't know what i'll do.