Cold heart
if there was a humanitarian award for silence,
you might be the only recipient.
you are laced
with the experiences of others, a
professional at rummaging through the skeletons
of memories they've left behind.
and even though
you've chosen what to keep,
the lint of the unwanted piled lingers on

you've seen how joy illuminates
a person's eyes and you've been 
wearing it like an autumn sweater -
snug and without haste, like greeting an old friend.
your wardrobe consists of
quiet feelings, like relief
when you find someone you know in a 
crowd, and/or anticipation for
a new season
of your favourite show. you wear your hair
in bangs and a knot so you can meekly push
them out of your face when
you look
at the person you love.
Wait for me on cold winter evenings

but lately,
the lint has been building into fluffy little balls,
and your sweater is worn and patched.
you've come to realize that all things have
paid a price, yet the weariness you
hold in your eyes is
  f r e e
of charge.

flowers are something you press
be / tween
the pages of prose, but even
those have to dry up someday.
sadness is a face you left in
the unwanted pile, but its remnants
latched onto your shoulders,
and tore them down. 

your own secrets aren't really something you'd call
"interesting," so you store up another's and
save them for the lazy days.
but here's a thought:
what is life if you experience 
but a
of it yourself? why appreciate spring and summer if 
autumn and winter don't 
follow suit?

what i'm trying to say is
we're all laced with sadness
but that is not the only fiber
of ~our~

blue / red.
written for a friend, but just as significant in my life as it is hers. 
also, to the girl who is unsure of secrets, you deserve the humanitarian award too.
-kiss kiss kiss, o my soul-
{pea ess: if you want to listen to me reading this, go here.}


  1. This is really cool! It really speaks to me. Great job! :D

  2. Beautifully written as always. Sweet and soft. Gives me something to reflect upon.

  3. Oh Jocee. You have no clue what this means to me. I read the first part and thought it was beautiful. Then I came to the "but lately," part and that's where it became the truth for me. And in the middle of reading it (and when I say reading, honestly, I don't mean reading. With your words I mean feeling. I feel them and turn them over and around in my mind and while I'm doing that they reach out and twist their arms around my heart) I looked down at the bottom to see who it was written for. I had this insane, unbelievable thought, that what if that girl she's referring to was me? I went to the comment and it was. It was like all the feeling in my body was now in the front of my face, all the blood. You know what it's like when a sudden consciousness washes over you and you feel so alive? It was that mixed with trying not to cry as I read the rest and that's when I understood what it's like to have tears caught in your throat. Because all along there was this thought inside of me that was saying "She won't write anything for you. You aren't one of those girl who has something big, who was a story. Who has "problems". You aren't important enough."

    So yeah, here's a big thank you with a little bit of everything wonderful thrown in.

    1. oh beauty.

      be my friend.

      also, i just (like five seconds ago) recorded the poem. so if you want to hear me reading it, it's here - https://soundcloud.com/browneyedjo/fabric-original-spoken-word

      you are a gem and i want you to know that i'm always here. if you ever want to talk, i'm literally a click away. <3

    2. So first you write this, and now you READ IT WITH YOUR VERY OWN REAL VOICE THAT I CAN HEAR? Way too much. I personally have this thing for your voice, whether it be reading or singing. There is always music in it. (I've turned my siblings into Jocee fans....you give us shivers.) Thank you again ;)

  4. ohmygosh OHMYGHSDFJK
    this is so beyond perfect, i'm crying.

  5. wow. i don't even know what to say.


sometimes i do not understand why you guys like me so much, but the fact that you do (and that you keep coming around) makes me happier than you can even imagine.

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