// there's always an unspoken assumption that if there's a mcdonald's, there's a gas station nearby. apparently, you walk in and say something like "i'd like to put ten dollars on pump five." and when i did, i felt like i was a part of something before my time. and i don't know if they call them attendants anymore, but when i saw her, i wanted to tell her she was beautiful. blonde hair in pin curls around her head, blue eyeshadow, vivid red lipstick, almost forty, on valentines' day. i wanted to tell her she was beautiful, because she looked like she was used to being told she looked like too much. but sometimes there is beauty in the blatant. and we have to learn to realize that it's okay.
// "jocelyn, how many times have you changed clothes today?" "this is the last time, i promise." i put my hair in rollers during the last minutes of the morning, slip on my house-shoes, and play endlessly different versions of rhapsody in blue while vacuuming. sometimes anthems aren't waiting for the bass to drop. sometimes, they're waiting for the cymbals.
// loud kitchen that smells like chili. i'm still not sure how to spell that word. my suspenders hang loose on my waist and i'm getting hot. and i'm trying not to curdle the eggs, scramble the cream. or is it scramble the eggs, curdle the cream? sometimes i believe it goes both ways. i don't remember what i was doing when she came in. and m and t hung back, like suspenders. two straight-haired girls, two curly-haired. loud kitchen. sentence repetition. i think one of the most important things you do in this stage of your life is meet your best friend's best friends. because you're doing your best not to sweat through your blouse and she's all giggles and awkward arm gestures and they're hands-in-pockets with soft voices and all you want to do is like each other. and it panned out. m is emotional, you can see it. the kind of girl who nods intently when someone is speaking. the kind you can see singing onstage, arms wide open; a heart exposed (misty edwards). t is the kind of girl who smiles when you talk to them. the kind who laughs when you're not sure how to duck under two people in conversation. the kind you can see sitting behind another with hunched shoulders, unable to cope. and meeting your best friend's best friends is one of the most important things you can do in this stage of life because if they're good for her, they're in good standings with you.
// "i'm sorry i broke your chapstick but if it's any consolation you look really hot be my valentine." "yes(ss)."
i went into valentines' day with all the apatheticism in the world because i believed (and i still do) that not everyone understands what love means, and all the different elements of it. i now know that there really isn't anything better than spending valentines' with your friends.
not because it would suck without them, but because you have them.
-kiss kiss kiss, green light in my-