as of right now, i have 541 friends on facebook. and it's funny, because facebook is always talking about how it's a place for people to connect, but i only see a select few of my friends' posts. sometimes i'm scrolling through my newsfeed and i see someone's face pop up, and it's like oh! i forgot i knew you. i forgot you were alive.
it's particularly endearing, for some reason, to see my friends still swimming. i remember sharing lanes with them at practice, laughing when coach was in a good mood, swallowing nervously when he wasn't. i remember watching them get dressed up for their middle school cotillions, which never turned out to be much fun. i remember being with them, yet, significantly detached from them. as if we were on the same team but we wanted two different things.
i don't know why i'm surprised that they're still at it. wet hair all the time, the residual smell of chlorine despite thorough showering, swimsuits that are thinner than our layers of skin. one after another, i see them committing to universities. i see proud mom posts and old photos with crappy flash and hair hastily pulled into buns. and i'm happy for them, because they never got tired the way i did. when i see them at the summer olympics i won't regret anything, because i've had my hurrah, too.
we were on the same team but we wanted two different things. i remember coach always telling us to get excited about upcoming swim meets. i remember the night before my piano audition. after i stopped crying, i felt waves of excitement (and i can tell you the formula for wavelength, if you like). i wanted to show them what i could do. not for one moment was i nervous on that saturday. it took me two years (almost to the date) to follow an instruction so vital to my life.
so on wednesday the nineteenth, i found out i was accepted to the university of texas. committed to music composition, not freestyle. my friends and i, we were on the same team but we wanted two different things. their stage is a pool, mine a steinway piano. in the end, though, i think we found some common ground. success.
-kiss kiss kiss, the world welcomes us in-