tell me it's okay to be happy now, because i'm happy now.

i did want to write a post on thursday. or friday. or probably thursday leading into friday, because friday was my 18th birthday and i wanted to tell you how i cried a little bit and listened to paramore from eleven to midnight and had a final and the best. burgers. ever. but i didn't know what to say. and then i forgot i was going to post. and then i didn't. so now it's sunday, or maybe it's almost monday, or maybe it already is monday (but now it's almost tuesday), i'm not sure. but i'm here, and instead of telling you how i felt, i wanted to show you something someone did for me. 

i have this really cute lilliputian friend name rachel. we've never met, but we've bonded over [failed] writing extravaganzas, our mutual love for british-born actors (her: asa butterfield, me: tom hiddleston), and intellectually stimulating conversations. incidentally, up until a few weeks ago, we hadn't been talking much because of school and life and whatnot, but we just now finished a conversation that felt as though we'd never stop talking. she's a great person, you guys. she helps me see different perspectives on things and makes me want to look at them again so i be sure for myself. and she's really nice, and she tells good stories about funny/odd/sometimes sad experiences and maybe that's what you should write about, rachel. you should write about you, because even though you may not think it's worthy of a new york bestselling title, there are still things about you that cannot be replicated into other people's lives. so she wrote me one of those article things that you see about celebrities in those magazines, kind of as a way to show where she thinks i'll be within the next five to ten years. i read it aloud to helayna last sunday and she agrees that this is super accurate and special and i never want to let it go, so. 

without further ado (and an obligatory break into a new paragraph), i give you one of the nicest things someone has given me. 

also here's a selfie because i think it's fitting. (i guess you can say i'm a pinup girl now. my hair is green and i am a self-proclaimed housewife, so there's that.) (also i got a phone, praise.)

At Pizza Hut with Jocelyn Chambers

“Can we meet over pizza?” That’s the first thing Jocelyn Chambers asks me as we’re arranging our rendezvous over the phone. Even though I’m lactose-intolerant and rarely eat pizza, I let her know that yes, we’ll meet over pizza and I’ll probably bring something I can eat. I ask if her if she minds, and she says, “No, not at all.” We agree to meet after her concert at the Civic Center in Portland, Maine and go to the nearest Pizza Hut location. I get myself a ticket to her concert, despite the fact that I rarely attend concerts. But I love symphonies. I witness Jocelyn put on one of the most raw, emotional, and epiphany-producing shows I’ve seen in a long time before I meet her outside. We hug and greet each other; it’s the first time we’ve met in person, but we talk like we’re just old friends catching up. Jocelyn is nearly six feet tall in heels, towering over my five-foot-two stature, and she dresses like 1950s pinup glory. Her hair and makeup are impeccable. She has a soothing, slightly raspy that’s half fairy princess and half film noir siren. “So how about that pizza?” She asks with a breathless smile. We get in my car and I drive her to Pizza Hut.

Jocelyn is nothing short of talented. She’s dabbled not only in film composing, but in writing, photography, blogging, painting, singing, short film directing and poetry. She works hard at everything she does, and it’s paid off; her book The Era of Mixed Feelings, which features contributions from other teenagers describing their experiences as teenagers, has received endless accolades in the book industry. Not only that, but she scored an Oscar nomination for composing the score to the coming-of-age drama A Word Made Flesh, making her the first black woman to earn that honor. “I’m still reeling over it,” she says. “It almost seems unreal. Like it’s just a dream or something.”

Once we get to Pizza Hut, Jocelyn orders a personal pizza that takes nearly forever to come out, as is tradition with pizza hut, and she does not hesitate to dig right in. We sit in silence for a little bit, Jocelyn eating her pizza and me eating a leftover veggie burger that I brought with me, but it doesn’t feel like an awkward silence desperate to be filled. It’s like we have nonverbally communicated that right now, eating comes first and talking will come later. When we’re finished with our meals, I ask her how she’s been lately. “Busy,” she says without skipping a heartbeat. “But it’s a good kind of busy. I’m doing what I love and I couldn’t be happier about that.” One thing’s for sure, she’s keeping herself occupied while anticipating the Academy Awards coming up in a month; she’s been performing concerts at multiple locations around the country, making her debut performance at the Madison Square Garden in two days, updating her Tumblr blog with stunning photography and profound quotes, and documenting her strong outfit/hair/makeup game on Instagram. Even what Jocelyn does in her spare time isn’t done in a mediocre fashion; she’s fully and completely in love with what she does. It’s that full-on passion for everything she does that has earned her an Oscar nomination and a spot on the top of the New York Times Bestseller list. “People have always told me, ‘Jocee you can’t do that, Jocee that’s not possible.’” She says about the people back home in Texas. “But they were wrong. When I show up at the Oscars, I’ll look straight into the camera and smile and wave to the people who put me down. I don’t believe them anymore. At this point in my life, I feel like I can do anything.”

i wish i could tell you how much this means to me.

-kiss kiss kiss, i'm reaching as i sink down into light-
{pea ess: another title via paramore's self-titled deluxe.}


  1. You're really cool and that dress is gorgeous on you. you're gorgeous. happy late birthday!!

  2. If someone wrote me something like that, I'd love them forever. You should frame that, seriously. Also, you're going to be famous, and I'm slightly jealous. ;)

    P.S. That photo is a stunna!

    1. hey! you can be famous! just be famous for the right reasons. ;) thank you, lovely. <3

  3. I just want to say two things: 1. Happy Birthday!! 2. I don't know if you're scared of growing up, but if that article is prophetic (like I believe it is), you've got nothing to worry about. You'll be fine, dear.

  4. oh my gosh, this is beautiful.

  5. Ahhh, I'm so happy to have my piece featured here!! I wrote in the middle of the night with a cold and I never realized how much of an impact it would have.

    (To anyone wanting to do this for their friends, I got the inspiration from this Rookie article: http://www.rookiemag.com/2014/12/how-to-write-a-celebrity-profile/)

  6. you are the absolutely cutest human ever. <3


sometimes i do not understand why you guys like me so much, but the fact that you do (and that you keep coming around) makes me happier than you can even imagine.

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