8.28.2014

gone to texas.


original photo

i used to think of college in shades of purple. i used to count the years and semesters until i'd move out of the house, leave my home and my friends behind. i used to be obsessed with the cold, and i still like it, actually. i used to want to have a condominium in the north east with floor-to-ceiling picture windows and white furniture, onlooking the busy streets of a big city. i used to want to get out like all my friends did. but unlike them, i never knew why. 

i came home last summer a changed girl. i hated the idea of traveling and leaving home. i think, as i started my senior year in high school, i was the only person i knew who wasn't keen on the idea of leaving when there was so much to stay for. before i left for music conservatory in june of 2013, i used to want to travel all over the world and i was into wanderlust and fernweh and things like that. i think it was partly because of the people i followed, and the way their followers influenced me, too. inadvertently disconnecting made me realize how i operated and what i wanted for myself. and now, i'm perfectly content walking parks in my neighborhood. i'm okay with staying. one of my favourite things is coming home. in fact, i just recently came around to studying abroad and going to other countries again. i think a vital part of my college journey was realizing i didn't have to do things just because everyone else wanted to. i think it was coming to treasure and understand the large piece of my heart home lives in. 

with all of that said, i started college on wednesday. the train was full and i was nervous as heck until after i had lunch with my friends. three people asked me if it was my first day and one told me there were snow cones at the gym. another told me my hair looked pretty. after awhile, it all became natural. there was no fear. and i think part of that came from not having to say goodbye to anyone. 

i used to think of college in shades of purple but when i woke up the sky was blue and orange. maybe that's a sign that things don't always happen the way i think they will. and as i told helayna, maybe that's a good thing. 

post-second day, and i can proudly say i love college. everything is going to be okay.

i love you all.

5 comments :

  1. gosh, jocee. I love your writing.

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  2. this makes my heart feel like coming home.
    you words always blow me away.

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  3. i really resonate with this. i just started college and despite my concerns, i'm doing ok and it has not been what i expected and that's a good thing. here's to new things.

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  4. I hope you have an amazing time at college! You gotta keep us all posted on the happenings. XD

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sometimes i do not understand why you guys like me so much, but the fact that you do (and that you keep coming around) makes me happier than you can even imagine.

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