4.24.2012

it's about time i wrote a letter to myself.

dear me,
you need to realize that it's okay to cry. it's okay to screw up and misuse your words because you'll know there's a better way of doing to next time. just brew a pot of tea and listen to the John Dunbar Theme and My Week with Marilyn soundtrack and think about how you'll have them kissing your feet one of these days.

i know it's hard being a teenager. life either seems to be going by so far or painfully slow, but you'll survive. just this past saturday your friends put you down for your "wanting to be caucasian" and your sadly unsocial, homeschooled life. you don't have to be just like them. rap music is gross.

stop thinking you're not good enough for him. even if you aren't. stop judging yourself for your skin color. i've looked at you in the mirror everyday. seen the way your eyelashes curl back without force and the slight pink in your cheeks, and the way your lips change their form throughout the course of the day. you are beautiful. inside and out. i bet he'd notice if he knew you.

please, stop worrying about your future. stop worrying about swimming and what people think and stop worrying about tomorrow. you have awhile until college, and once you get there you'll have gotten all the insight and all the skills you needed to acquire. promise-promise. i'm pretty sure God's got it all under control, so keep calm and eat much cupcakes.
you don't need to find him. he'll find you, and while we're on that subject, eli isn't worth it. 

lastly, there is no "try to live", darling. you either live or you don't live. however, it's whether you live fiercely or scarcely, that changes your perspective. live now. live full. live beautiful.

i'm crying as i write this to you. and i don't put an age on this letter, because who knows what day in age it will be when you need to read it.

-kiss kiss kiss, quite at my leisure-
{pea ess: a letter to tom hiddleston? i think yes.}

17 comments :

  1. Jocee - you are beautiful! I hope you know that comes from deep down in my heart and I truly mean it. You are the girl God has made you to be, inside and out. You inspire people with you blog and you show us that it's not that hard to be completely real in our posts. So, thank you for that! Love you girl! <3

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  2. oh, jocee. you are one of the most beautiful girls i've ever seen and you're probably the sweetest girl i've ever talked to. you're so real and honest. and i just want to burst with happiness every time i see a new post from you on my dashboard. you've inspired me beyond belief. and i thank you so much for that. God made you beautiful and special for that one great guy who is gonna come and just sweep you off your feet. he won't care about your skin color or your hair. he's going to love you for you. he's going to see all those little things that God made for him to enjoy. like your eyelashes and your laughter and your love of cupcakes :) don't worry girl. things will get better. they always do when we finally stop worrying about things we can't really control and just let Him handle it all.

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  3. Sweet letter. :)
    And you are beautiful!!!!!! I think you are, anyway. Sheesh, rap music is vile. Don't be limited by your age, either! Teenagers can do so many things, not just school.
    And most of all, you have God. He will never, ever, leave you alone.
    Love your blog! please don't ever stop blogging!

    With much love,

    Diana B.

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  4. Jocee, every girl feels that way...I'm not beautiful, I'm not loved, I'm not good enough. As for you having darker complexion than some of us...I think it's beautiful. I have blue eyes and brown hair, but I would much rather have black hair and brown eyes and a darker complexion...I've always wondered why people with all that would ever want to be different. I'm sure you've heard this a billion times, but if you are a girl who loves God and others...you are beautiful in every sense of the word. And if other people can't see that, well, that's their problem.

    What about Eli? I've never heard you say that he's a Christian. He wouldn't see or appreciate the things in you that are different because you are. He wouldn't value the things you do. He wouldn't be able to encourage you to grow in the ways you need to. He doesn't know what he's missing.

    -Carli

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  5. Oh, Jocee. Your skin color is beautiful. You won't believe this, but just the other day I was bemoaning to my mom about being white. YES! Being white. I can't tan, or burn, so I'm stuck a creamy, Dracula white. I told my mom "I just wish I was black so I wouldn't have to worry about looking like a Voldemort".

    Just be happy.

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  6. You're like a celebrity to me, can I please have your autograph?
    Your blog is my favorite. I want to meet you so bad and give you a hug. I have family in Texas, maybe I'll see you there next time I visit, if I do, I'm going to scream and run up to you and hyperventilate.

    -xoxo- Bethany <3

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  7. I feel like we are, like, the same person. I have tried many times to write that letter, telling myself these things. Thank you for writing it. You have made my day. Thank you so much.

    Hannah Mae
    http://letitrainlove.blogspot.com/

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  8. I love your blog, Jocee. Seriously. It always makes me smile, and -- in short -- makes my day. ;) You are beautiful inside and out. <3

    xoxo,
    Mikailah @ www.maid4him.blogspot.com

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  9. oh jocee you are too sweet, just like a cupcake. we love you!

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  10. We fall down then get back up. The tears make us stronger. I'm always there for you to laugh and cry. Love you jocee
    PS: 2 more days super amped :)
    Love Raven
    Ravens-rhythmoflove.blogspot.com

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  11. Ps: we all feel that way. I hope you know I love you and am sorry if I have ever said something to hurt you. :)
    Love raven
    Haha I can read your blog all day (:

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  12. oh darling, this just made me tear up a little bit... okay, a lot. i think we all need a letter to ourselves to remind us everything will be okay. you've got people around you everywhere that love you, including me. <3

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  13. oh, darling. i love being black.
    my white sisters, truth be told, are absolutely gorgeous creatures. but honey-brown skin is so very dreamy. and with dark hair like yours, it is a winning combination. So, embrace the beauty that is you. You look so sweet when you're smiling. And you make me laugh, write the most picturesque stories, and in general, are one package of pure, unadulterated awesomeness. :]

    xo.
    sheean

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  14. This is completely beautiful- as are you! You look very stylish with those glasses by the way! :)

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  15. i LOVE LOVE the new blog design!!! :)

    pee ess : this letter is SO mature, and wise!!

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  16. You are beautiful no matter what they say. You said it yourself. Amen, sister. You are awesome!
    www.sunnydiva.blogspot.com

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  17. This is beautuful...like you!
    But please tell me>>
    WHO IS TOM HIDDLESTON???

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sometimes i do not understand why you guys like me so much, but the fact that you do (and that you keep coming around) makes me happier than you can even imagine.

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