i don't know. today felt... different. there was a certain scent lingering in the air, one that i couldn't quite put my finger on it. maybe it was the cold, maybe it was the warmth, or maybe it was something else entirely, but it made us all shiver.
photo credit here // typography by me
photo credit here // typography by me
this morning, i awoke when the sky started to stretch. donning an old swim tee and some sweatpants, i dragged my dad out of bed and he drove me to the gym. i'm going to the gym instead of swimming now, but that's a whole different story. suffice to say that i'm a lot happier. a lot happier. anyway, when i walked outside, i was immediately greeted by goosebumps spreading like wildfire on my shoulders. it was the first time in a long time that i wanted a jacket, but i didn't go get one. instead, i let myself stay chilly, relishing in the fact that i hadn't been burnt to a crisp.
when i got to the gym, the sun was rising out of the sea, somewhere, far away. the clouds were pink and orange and the sky was blue on the other side of the parking lot. that's something that's never ceased to amaze me: east and west. it's either darker or lighter on each side. like a whole different world. but that's a different story, too.
by the time i left the gym, the sun had come up, but the sky was still glazed in the hues of pink and orange and maybe a small dash of purple on the horizon. as i sat in the lobby waiting for daddy to come pick me up, i saw a small dot floating towards the sun. it was a hot air balloon. i silently squealed, because i hadn't seen one of those in a long time. the employees behind me talked about men who threatened to beat their wives in public, and there were a lot of long silences, so i just closed my ears off to them and played classical piano over and over in my head. daddy eventually came, looking ragged like a person who's withered up like a raisin after being in the swimming pool too long, and confessed he slept in before we drove on home. i told him about the hot air balloon, and it was getting closer to the sun every second, but when we left the parking lot, it was gone. just gone. i figured the trees were blocking it, and when we drove out into a clearing i expected to see it, but it wasn't there. i was disappointed, but everything has to continue on its journey eventually.
everything felt off for the rest of the day. well, it was normal, but that scent lingering in the air seemed to set everyone on edge. it was on the tip of their tongue, the cliff of their personality, but they never gave it off. like you're just dying to tell someone a secret but you feel loyal to the other friend? that's what it was like. maybe it was the flags flying half-mast at school today. i had to think twice before i realised what it was.
when i was browsing tumblr this afternoon, i came across a certain gif. i gasped and covered my mouth in awe, but not the sort of awe where you admire something, but the sort of awe when a tragedy occurs so...dissonant, so negative, that it leaves you stunned. it took me several hours, but somehow, it clicked. and the spoon was finally molded into its proper shape.
it was there, you guys. it was there. the building was there, and then it was gone. in seconds. in tenths, hundredths, nanoseconds. it was gone. and i still can't fathom how it all happened. i can hardly remember the morning it happened. i can conjure up an image in my head but i don't know if it's the right one. but basically, it's just like the hot air balloon. it was there when i walked out of the lobby. and when we drove out of the parking lot, it was suddenly gone. just gone. and i couldn't find it again. maybe it never existed. but the point is, it just kind of strikes me as remarkable. as odd. as tragic. as evil. for something so innocent, so simple, to be stolen in seconds. like taking candy from a child or tearing an infant away from his mother's heartbeat. it's scary. and really, in remembering, after eleven years, i just want it all to be okay.
so i'm praying, you guys. because i don't want anything else to be stolen so quickly.
or even at all.
-extremely loud & incredibly close-