10.27.2012

everyone's voice is worth hearing.

For myself, for a long time... maybe I felt inauthentic or something, I felt like my voice wasn't worth hearing, and I think everyone's voice is worth hearing. So if you've got something to say, say it from the rooftops.  -Tom Hiddleston
on a whim, i posted a writing exercise on facebook. give me a word, or a phrase, or a sentence, and i'll write something along those lines or something it reminds me of. go. i got 17 comments, and so far, i've only done two or three of the prompts, and this is one of them. it's not happy-go-lucky like a lot of writing scenarios, but i think that writers, no matter how good or [wince] bad they are, should experiment with the different emotions often evoked in real life. so this is something that is mostly for me, and mostly for charlie (and abbey, too), because i haven't talked to him in a long time and i feel like i owe this to him. incidentally, i can't be in the room when people are reading or listening to my work. it's not that it's awkward, which it is, and i love to see their faces change as they read/listen, but sometimes, i laugh and i cry and i make a mess of myself because it's something personal to me; it's something i've done, and i'm very proud that people are taking the time to read it. i even occasionally blush. i don't really know why i'm telling you this, but i'm not going to erase it now, so here is what i wrote. it's a prompt from a pretty girl named mary (whose blog address i lost somewhere) and she wrote: she had a sorrow in her heart that wouldn't go away. here we go. 
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It was only Tuesday and she'd cried three times already. She didn't know why, but she felt a well of tears coming on that weekend and she didn't know how to stop them. Inevitabilities that she never thought would happen happened, and the children moved away on Monday. She fought with her parents over later trivial things and she took on an inadequacy that she couldn't shake. In a way, she felt... numb. Her closest friend tried to cheer her up but her laughter was only temporary, it was just a distraction; she had a sorrow in her heart that wouldn't go away.
     In the evening, in the midst of her siblings blasting the tele too loud and her mother frying chicken in the kitchen, she logged into her facebook and scrolled neutrally through her notifications. I say neutrally here loosely, she really had no feelings towards what her friends did in either the last 29 minutes or 7 seconds. Afterwards, she clicked on her messages tab and scrolled down to the timeline of messages that she'd sent to him three - no - four months ago. Clicked on it. The conversations they kept on there were something for when they weren't together in person, which was rare, and they varied from the prices of gasoline to which milkshake was best at Steak 'n' Shake. She looked at the last string of messages.
     "Actually, fall is best."

     "No, winter. But why do you say fall?"
    "Because I grew up up north, and it always snowed, and I love snow, but I love the teasing chill better."
     "Hmm. I guess I understand. I like winter because summer is drastically different." 
     It went on until one she had had to go to bed, and neither of them knew that that was the end of it. The next day, they just didn't talk. She didn't know why, and he probably didn't either. They didn't see each other since then. They just went about their separate ways, neither surviving nor thriving but just going through the limbo in between. And she didn't like that. She liked spending time with him, because even though she had other friends, he understood her most. It was the quiet kind of understanding that she felt he had in his even-paced breathing (sometimes she'd lay her head on his chest) and he never judged her or chided her or scolded her like her mom did when she didn't get her algebra problems right. 
     She'd often checked his timeline for new updates, which she "liked" and liked in hopes of him taking notice. But he never responded to her. It was funny because they were the greatest pair. "Bonnie and Clyde," which they dressed up as for halloween. And in a way, she felt guilty for abandoning him. He wasn't the type to leave someone, but he wasn't the type to start a conversation. And right about now, she needed someone to talk to. 
     A fresh well of tears came on in the realisation that maybe none of this would've happened if she'd texted him the next day. It's funny how something so insignificant in the moment can have such amazing consequences later. The TV seemed to be getting louder and her mom put a new batch of chicken into the fryer as she typed something into the chat box. "Hi," she wrote. 
     She remembered the first time they'd spoken, and even though he was a little shy at first, they'd eventually hit it off as if they were old friends reminiscing on old times, which she hoped they'd do if he responded. He saw the green light come on next to his name, and a butterfly nested in her stomach. She knew he had to see it eventually, and when she realised that, she felt a little better. So she waited, knowing he'd have to respond soon. 

i was going to say something about this after i wrote it, but i forgot what it was, so to end this, i guess i'm extending this writing exercise to you. leave a word or a phrase in the comments, and i can't promise i'll write all of them, but as many as i can. and for the record, i hope he responds.

so yeah. happy saturday. 

-kiss kiss kiss, gurl you done be preachin'-
{pea ess: brownie points if you know who charlie is.}

21 comments :

  1. charlie from perks, right?
    lovely post. my writing prompt?
    what is left but to curl up in a ball and let the tears flow?
    sorry to be so...depressing. but that's what i thought of after i read this :)

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  2. ohmygosh i love this. so freaking much, i totally feel like that girl sometimes!! :) hha maybe I am her

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  3. Jocee this is lovely!!

    My writing prompt: She wanted someone to tell her that she was beautiful.

    Hannah
    thewritingsofhannah.blogspot.com

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  4. dude, FINISH THE ENDING! Did he respond?! Geez, you always leave me hanging... but still lovely as ever. you have true talent, and I love this girl's prompt.
    I'll have to save my prompts for my own writing as they come few and far between, not to mention, these kids are coming up with great stuff.
    xoxo

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  5. beautiful!! love your style.

    my prompt: then one day, she realised just how beautiful the world was and that it felt wonderful to be part of it.

    or...

    #2: and just when she was about to give up, she remembered that He was the One that'd never leave her heartbroken.

    -Carli

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  6. gah, your writing is just amazing i tell you!
    okay my prompt for you is: love hesitates, but if you don't risk anything, you risk more.

    love your works and keep it up :) xx
    -Jianine

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  7. This is lovely! And I know exactly how you feel, I have to leave the room when someone reads my work.
    My prompt: She grabbed the tail of a shooting star and let everything fall away.
    Kimmy x

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  8. That quote from the ever amazing Hiddles. That story you just created and shared. Seriously, Jocee, you are such a cupcake! Made my day, totally.

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  9. mm, this was delicious. like the sweet taste of tea, mingled with the saltiness of tears -- the good kind, of course. why must you be so lovely? xo

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  10. This was great. You are such a wonderful writer and I so enjoy reading your posts!

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  11. This was good, jocee. Really good. xo.

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  12. Dahling. Why must you be so amazing? xo

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  13. oh, jocee. your words make me swoon! Xx

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  14. Wow, that was so incredibly good, Jocee. Like really good.
    I hope there's a happy ending somewhere out there for this little story...!

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  15. I love you. And this is so good. And thank you for writing my prompt. That is all.

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  16. This the Mary you were talking about? When I was around on her blog, I saw your name in a post.. etc etc..

    http://suesuesstories.blogspot.com/

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  17. Your such a great writer, girl. Like Stella said--"Your words make me swoon"

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  18. I adore you words. So raw, so much passion - jess x

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  19. My prompt: Then looking into his eyes, she felt her heart mend.. (you could change it to add different adjectives, like the color of his eyes for example)

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sometimes i do not understand why you guys like me so much, but the fact that you do (and that you keep coming around) makes me happier than you can even imagine.

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