12.11.2012

the last fifteen days i will ever be fifteen.

and in the midst of it all, these few leaves have survived [don't judge me i just really like these pictures]. i am about to get very personal. and i don't expect you to read the whole thing. but at least read the last entry, because this is me creating a new beginning. in Him i am new. no matter what has happened in the last fifteen days, i will be okay. i am okay. i am fantastic. so entre. 

tuesday, november 27, 2012 -
mellow. that's what tuesday was, in comparison to these next few days. i don't remember a lot of the details, which is why i'm writing it down now. so i don't forget completely. i remember that tuesday as the day ashley (the brunette in my music class) said i was so cute. and so quiet. and that i wasn't the only young'n in her classes. there was one guy who just turned 16 the day before. but i said i was the cutest young'n. she laughed. that's what they always do. later, after mommy, grandma, joy and i went shopping for corporate clothing and a birthday dress, i went to my english class. around 5 of us were there, and i needed help prepping for the SAT, which is what i did with my professor for about... 30 minutes. then, i found brian (one of my best guy friends who i also happen to think is really cute) in the cafeteria, and we talked about boys and girls and he played clocks by coldplay for me and i sang him moon river. i really need to get used to singing for people. that's why i sang for him. after i left and went to the gym and ate dinner, i went to square dancing where i read and wrote more than i danced. and then i went home. that was a pretty good day. especially in comparison to these next few days.

wednesday, november 28, 2012 -
i said as we came from from piano: "in two weeks exactly, i will be 16." mommy smiled as i told her about my birthday party plans [for the millionth time since the day after my 15th birthday]. she brought me onion rings and sweet potato fries (that i drenched in ketchup) as celebration because when i found out, i told my family that i wanted to celebrate. it was an early birthday present for me. and i like to celebrate with eating out since we never really do. that morning, at 8:11am, i found out that i won the texas young composers' competition for the second year in a row. i ran to my parents room, causing a ruckus as i stumbled up the stairs, and tackled mommy (of whom i never hug, so this was special), screaming out the news. they muttered congratulations because they were so shocked, and i told grandparents and a few friends before posting it on facebook later. even my music professor announced it to the class. he did it in such a way that a lot of the details were left out, so my classmates still don't know that i wrote my first orchestral piece when i was 14 years old. but that's okay. they don't have to know now. i went to the pool to see if my friend was there (we were supposed to meet up for a school project, but she wasn't there) and i felt a little bit wrong walking in as though there was nothing wrong while all my friends were working so hard in the pool. i still don't miss the sport, though. later, after i told audrey about the competition, she told me the truth. she told me everything that she'd been keeping inside about our friendship. and she yelled. and i cried. and she yelled more, but i'm glad she got it out. in our friendship, i always tried to do what i thought was right, but apparently, it didn't work out very well. she had been so upset at me for so long and i didn't know. i know i messed up but i thought i fixed it. so i cried more than i worked out at the gym and sneezed all the way through wednesday night church service. i got a few more congratulations but i still couldn't stop thinking that i'd lost audrey. there really can't be much worse than losing a best friend. well, yes, there can be worser things that could happen, and she'd always told me if i lost her or if we mutually lost each other that i'd be okay. because i have other friends. and that made me feel even worse. we decided to take a break. to stop talking until she or i were ready. i'm a bit scared to say i'm still not ready. incidentally, i don't know whether or not i cried that night. i do know that i woke up with the most terrible stuffed nose the next morning, though. 

thursday, november 29, 2012 - 
i don't remember much of thursday morning. i know mom rushed me to get out of the house and yet i ended up being late for music class. not really late, though. they hadn't officially started yet, anyway. that was the day everyone told me that "i was too young to know what 'stoned' was," and the day that i told them that "i knew what stoned was, i just didn't know where to get drugs." and they all laughed really really hard. and i really really like it when people laugh at the things i say. it makes me think i've done something right [or wrong, but they laughed anyway so i'm glad i helped them lose an ounce of a pound]. at lunch, i forgot that i had lunch with me and instead worked on school and waited for english class to start. it was a bit awkward, because it was just me and my professor, but i let her listen to the recording in my "good lighting" blog post, and she really liked that. i'm glad people like what i have to say. even if it is complete crap. at any rate, she enjoyed it. and she said that it would get an A because of the way it flowed so well. she could really see it in her head. after home and the gym, i went to a get together with a lot of my homeschool friends. we ate breakfast for dinner and sang worship songs and i gave a testimony about what God had been doing in my life. i used the romans 5:3-5 verse. because it's really relevant. always will be. charity and hayley and kathryn and lela were there, and charity and i fangirled so hard over tom hiddleston that i think i lost 2 pounds. there was a girl named audrey there. and i started thinking about audrey again. but it was a good night, even though i didn't have anyone to talk to when i got home. 

friday, november 30, 2012 -
my blog is not a dumping ground. my blog is not a dumping ground. my blog is not a dumping ground, so i won't talk about what happened on friday.

saturday, december 1, 2012 -
my eyes were so thick that it actually hurt for tears to fall down my face. i still had tears to cry, which made it extra hard. that day, mom and i were to go to a ladies' Christmas at our pastor's wife's house. two of my friends were there (rachel and carolyn), and i ate more frosted sugar cookies than i care to relay. i had to tell someone about what happened the night before, and i let it out to rach and carol, but didn't really seem to understand. but i think it was just me venting out my anger. and i get my point across a lot better with written word. i was invited by the girls to go shopping later on, but mom said no, because she wanted to have a serious talk with me when we got home. i won't relay all the details because i don't want to think about them. afterword, it was mellow again, and instead of my having to watch joy while mom and dad went to their company Christmas party that night, mom stayed home, so i was off the hook. we made birthday party plans and sent out invitations, and then everything was okay. 

sunday, december 2, 2012 -
the entire day, i was uncontrollably excited because i had a photoshoot scheduled with one of my greatest friends, nicole. i sped through church and lunch and everything because i couldn't wait to go to the park and shoot her (pun not intended, but still kept) during the golden hour. incidentally, when i did get to the park, i got there about 20 minutes early, and i sat at a table with three props that i had brought, waiting for nicole to show up. to make a long story short, she was a little late, but i had one of the best photoshoots i've had in the history of ever, and afterword, we went to the domain, drank gingerbread cookie lattes, red velvet lattes, and walked around, spraying perfume samples on ourselves and snickering when we saw cute boys. it was deliciously fun, and i was out of breath when i got home, and that was when i felt most alive.

monday, december 3, 2012 -
my community college classmates like to tease me for being so young. and when i try to relate to them, they either laugh or whine; laugh because what i say is apparently hilarious, and whine because i make them sound so lazy. for instance, monday, they were talking about heartburn and how horrid it felt. i said, "i've never had heartburn before, so i can't really relate." and they just laughed and said, "it's okay, jocelyn. you're only a baby. you'll have plenty of time to have heartburn!" and then i said, "well, i've had chest pains from working out too hard! i almost had to go to the hospital." and that's when they really started laughing, and then my professor says, "while we complain about heartburn, she tells us about the health benefits she experiences!" needless to say, we started class late that day [rhyme]. that night, at teen court, i was put on the spot to sing happy birthday to those who had birthdays in december. i'm very glad the administrator meant for me to lead, but there was absolutely no way that i would be doing it myself. i mean, i don't have a terrible voice, but i get self-conscious sometimes. i have to warm up. after teen court, a lot of us went to chick-fil-a for an after party, celebrating one of my friends' first time as a lead or assistant attorney. it was good, because it got my mind off things. and sometimes i just need to have fun.

tuesday, december 4, 2012 -
i don't remember much about tuesday. i remember brian coming late for our tuesday cafeteria hijinx (where we just talk about random things and sing and hang out and stuff). he wore a red shirt and looked sick, but we had fun anyways. beyond that, tuesday is such a blur, but i think that if i can remember at least one thing that happened on each day then i'll be okay.

wednesday, december 5, 2012 -
every year, around my birthday, i start getting a whole bunch of emails with coupons in them, and the coupons are mostly for free food. free ihop, free red robin, free fuddruckers, free etc. so wednesday, i had a craving for burgers and fries (that's my favourite meal if you didn't know). daddy and i decided to go to fudd's for my free burger, but on the coupon, we noticed they changed it to "with the purchase of etc etc etc." and that wasn't fair, because i wanted a burger so badly. but daddy printed out the coupon for red robin [yummmmm], and after my daily workout at the gym, we sped to red's and ate a humongous burger with unlimited fries. we ended up getting to wednesday night church service late, but at least i ate something, right? besides, we hardly go out to eat in my house. when i grow up, that's going to change.

thursday, december 6, 2012 -
it was my mommy's XXth birthday. she had breakfast out, lunch out, and dinner out. she did only what she wanted to do, but she was entitled to it because daddy, joy and i are such demanding children (just kidding, daddy). even though it was her birthday, i had school, so i went to my last official day at community college. i brought cake and ashley brought cookies. everyone loved the cake, because it was still warm. i wonder if anyone else in my class knows how to bake. after class and after lunch, i went to my english final. at first, i was really flustered, and i wished i had my notes with me, but i got the hang of it, and finished my essay in about two hours. afterward, the whole family picked me up, and we all went to the gym, which was fun. i have this abs and toning class that is really fun, even though i wake up the next day with searing pain in my abs and calves. mommy and daddy were going on a date that night, so back at home, i was sentenced to watch joy. it wasn't half bad, because it was her bedtime anyways, so i baked cake for the next day, cleaned the kitchen, and fell asleep watching tower heist. mommy had a nice birthday, at least that's what she told me the next day. we didn't sing her happy birthday or anything this year because we were all "GO GO GO to the next place!" but she was okay. and she was thankful. i like having my birthday six days apart from my mom's. that way, if i forget mine, i'll just remember my mom's and then i'll remember mine.

friday, december 7, 2012 -
i didn't go to the gym on friday. instead, i went to the park for a get together with friends [i don't have CC on fridays], and i took pictures of ellisse, who was one of them. the nice thing about it all was that it was cool outside, and when the wind came a whole bunch of leaves started raining down from the tree that loomed above us. it was startling, but it was beautiful. i haven't been present (meaning i haven't been paying attention) when the world changed before my eyes. i've always been doing something that distracted me completely from the outdoors. but friday was different. and it's good to be different. after the park, i went home and made yet another cake for that night's church Christmas banquet, and macaroni and cheese, too. mommy said i was a big help, and made things easier for her, because she had a lot to do. i changed clothes and did my hair, and when i got to the banquet, i was one of the only people who really dressed up. i was a bit embarrassed, but i was born to stand out, right? right. after the banquet that night, i told audrey that i was ready. and to be perfectly honest, i don't know if i was. but i just wanted to talk. and that... that didn't go very well. but saturday was a new day, so maybe everything would be resolved by then.

saturday, december 8, 2012 -
i just lost my best friend. i have nothing further to say.

sunday, december 9, 2012 -
i had a lot to say about friends and friendships and losing friends that day. the thing is, i never got to really say any of them. on my hour run through the neighbourhood, i tried to gather my thoughts, but there were so many of them that i decided not to think at all. that was impossible though, so i tried to think of only good things. that wasn't as impossible. i just felt like since i was the one who ruined the friendship, i owed so much to her. i had and have so much to say. but i can't tell her because we have been reduced to acquaintances. and honestly, i do not want to go into details because it's between me and her. but i've been reading and rereading and re-rereading that verse. romans 5:3-5. rejoice, rejoice, rejoice. when you are happy, rejoice. when you are sad, rejoice. and when you are everything in between, rejoice. the thing is, no one should have to lose their best friend. no one at all. but otherwise, my sunday wasn't... terrible. we ate queso and watched football and played balloon soccer until the balloon popped and talked about birthday party decorations. i know that everything will [eventually] be okay. it's just that sometimes, i don't know if i will be okay.

monday, december 10, 2012 -
i had my sight singing final yesterday [i got a 92 - huzzah!], meaning i finished half of my finals for this semester. i talked to ashley (the blonde in my class), and i told her that it would be alright and she'd do well [she got a 97 - even more huzzah!], and then we talked about life and teenagerhood and high school and school in general for awhile. it was a good conversation, and it taught me some things. allie (from a fine frenzy) said "you're only as good as the people you're surrounded with." and i must say, i am incredibly blessed to be around such purposeful human beings. and for those who aren't doing so well with their life, i have learned not to make their mistakes. but i will help them make better ones. after school, mommy and i went shopping for decorations for my birthday party on saturday. needless to say, i'm a little excited. we'll be watching the avengers, eating cake and opening presents, and having mini-photoshoots at a local shopping outlet - the domain. then, i went to music composition, the last class of the year for me. i kind of wish i gave my teacher a hug. she's so great at what she does. that night was teen court, and we had pizza. a lot of pizza. and i got to tell everyone i'd see them next year, when the next court was set. that's one of my favourite things to say, because it's true. it's just that 'next year' is a lot closer than we next. and next year will be a lot better than this one. i know that.

tuesday, december 11, 2012 -
today is the last day i will ever be fifteen. i feel sort of nostalgic, like i want to listen to taylor swift or something, but i won't give into that urge. now that i'm really excited for my birthday, the clock seems to be going as slow as it possibly can. it's teasing me, trying to make me go insane waiting. i have learned so much in these last fifteen days. i have learned to have peace, to breathe deep, and i have learned to let go. i am still learning to let go. i have learned to sleep and understand that the next day is always fresh, with no mistakes. i have learned to be okay with what i do, and i have learned to be joyful because happiness depends on what happens. but joy is a constant, if you want it to be. my writing above is not beautiful, it is not poetic, and it's not something that has me swooning with awe. it's something that is real, and it's something that happened, and i have not tried to dress it up in any way. in the days that i went bad and read what happened, i laughed. and i cried. and i realised that these days very well may've been the hardest of my life. and i don't expect you to have read all the way through. i'm sure you skipped a lot of days. and if you did, that's okay. i can't force you to read all of this. but this is my heart, and i am sharing it with you. sometimes i've had second thoughts but i am going through with this. not because i already told you about it, but because i want to. today, i have my ear training music final. then, i get my hair done for my birthday, and come home and do birthday decorations. i may or may not have a chance to go to the gym. the family may or may not go square dancing. tonight, i will stay up late, until 12:12am. mommy and i have always liked pointing it out because it's our birthday. 12:06 and 12:12, that's us. so maybe think of us when your clock favours us for a moment of its time. tomorrow i am sixteen. i spell out the numbers because i feel like i should. i have learned not to grow weary and not to faint, like God's Word says. i am learning to glorify the Lord in everything i do. and i know i will go far. and sixteen feels like a great year to do it. so january is not my new beginning, and neither is october. today is my new beginning. tomorrow is my new beginning. everyday is my new beginning, because i want it to be.

huzzah, bazinga, and all that mush.
-kiss kiss kiss, now is the start-

33 comments :

  1. I like the new picture on the sidebar -- you, photographer you!
    SIXTEEN. Changes are a'comin for you now! Have the bestest last two weeks of your fifteen your old life!


    xo

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  2. *Correction - TOMORROW is your birthday. Excuse my hastiness..

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  3. ohmygoodness jocee! thank you ohso much for sharing this. this is, this is just beautiful! I can relate to soo much of this. maybe just more spread out. I'm so glad that others are going thru this, and they DO come out alive and better. you're an amazing girl and I don't even know you except thru readin your blog. I'm hoping that will change someday tho. but I hope things with your friend gets better and that you enjoy eating out for free and your birthday is extra fabulous! xx

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  4. Yep. I read through this entire post. You have that way of writing that really engages the reader and is raw and real. I really like that about you. You dont seem to hide real feelings and who you are. I admire that. I can relate to many feelings and instances that you mentioned. I've been reduced to acquaintances with a few of my childhood friends and it makes me sad because my childhood memories are full of good times with them. But life moves on and I suppose things have to change. I'll be praying for you.
    Basically I enjoyed this post...you inspire me to live deeper...and I really like the way you write.

    Blessings, dear!

    -Madi

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    Replies
    1. Now that it's your birthday... Happy Birthday Jocee!!! I wish you the most wonderful 16th birthday! May your day be filled with much happiness and cheer, and I pray that you're 16th year will be amazing and full of exciting opportunities to do the things you love.

      Blessings!

      -Madi

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  5. jocee, I read it all. every little word. My last couple of days have been a huge mixture of awesome and horrible at the same time. but even though it was a hard 15 days, what's past is past. new beginnings are the best, because you can always start over, like the anne girl says "Tomorrow is always another day with no mistakes in it yet..." anyways, sorry for rambling, happy 16th birthday, jocee!! I hope that it is the sweetest and the best birthday ever, and I hope you get lots of cupcakes... :D

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  6. This is lovely, and I confess it made me quite teary.

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  7. i read every word, and i was seriously crying for part of it. {and that's saying a lot--i don't show my "emotional" emotions very much--or very well.} your heart, Jocee, is so incredibly beautiful. reading your writing really opens a window into your heart, and lets everyone who will look see a part of your soul.

    happy 16th birthday, Jocee, dear! i wish you a wonderful day filled with screams of laughter, phone calls from family and friends, yummy food and many cupcakes.

    {and you ever need anyone to vent to, just send me an email. :) i've been told i'm a good listener. ;]}

    xoxoxoxoxo

    ps--also, your birthday is on twelve twelve twelve!! {I'm slightly obsessed with same day/month/year days. ;)

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  8. jocee, i can only dream to write as lovely as you do. you made me go through all kinds of feels, and there were tears in my eyes. i'm a pastor's child, and although i love being a part of a pastor's family, it can be tough and crappy and nothing anyone in their right mind should wish for. i've lost more friends than i can count. there are eternal holes in my heart that will probably never be filled or completely healed. people have up and walked out of my life, other times maybe i've said too much and made them want to walk out, but regardless, i can't count how many times i've lost someone very special to me. and when i read what you wrote, jocee, it was just... it was like reading my own heart. i wanted to weep. i wanted to just tuck myself into a corner and cry. i was completely taken back in a flood of memories. but that can be good, i think. if you didn't have a past, you wouldn't have a future. and you'd just keep on being the same kind of person day after day.

    jocee, i hope you have the most amazing sixteenth birthday in the history of ever, 'cause you deserve it. you have a strong soul, and you are a fighter. never give up. just keep letting these trials make you stronger. okay, love? and remember that your christ jesus is the one and only person on whom you can fully rely. he is always there, no matter what.

    and i know you don't really know me that well, but if you EVER need to talk to someone who has often gone through the exact same thing as you, well, i'm here.

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  9. let me preface this comment by saying that i'm so happy to have met someone as incredible as you, doll. this was so very touching -- i heartily agree with those who would say that your writing is captivating, and unbelievably mature. i know that sometimes, (especially at your age) times get hard, but never forget, they ALWAYS get better for those who love Him. hope you have an absolutely fabulous birthday, and that you wake up to snow on the ground. ;) xoxoxo

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  10. This is probably the most honest and heartfelt post I've ever read. It left me teary-eyed, because I can relate to some of these feelings. But it also left me encouraged, because of the way you bring the hard things in your life back to Scripture. One of the verses that really encourages me is Isaiah 41:10.

    Also, have a good birthday, Jocee. Our birthdays are only 2 days apart - my sixteenth birthday was yesterday :)

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  11. I teared up, yes yes I did. The last entry is especially beautiful, and maybe it's because I am exactly where you are.

    It is all okay.

    So have a happy birthday doll, and your present will be there next week.
    xoxo

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  12. Oh Jocee. Thank you for writing this. It's one of the most beautiful, honest things I've ever read.

    Happy 16th <3

    -Leanna

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  13. I want to say something, but I don't know exactly what. Basically that this is one of the most touching things I've ever read - and that it's so real and genuine, you're not pretending, it's who you are. It's who you are and it's beautiful.
    happy birthday.

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  14. Jocee, this is real. I mean, life is this crazy wonderful journey that's comprised of bad days but so many good ones, too. I'm so sorry about your losing your best friend, but keep going, girl. You are beautiful person full of potential and I'm honored to know you.
    Also, you're birthday letter&small gift will be mailed tomorrow!
    xoxo

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  15. Jocee, this post was just, well, just amazing. The best friend thing? I am so glad someone can relate to me on that subject. Ahh, girl I just love you. May your birthday be full of loveliness. YOU DESERVE IT. Happy (one day early) birthday!

    God bless.

    http://jumping4jesus.blogspot.com/

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  16. Oh Jocee... this... this... this made me tear up. I am so sorry, and like you said, no one should ever have to lose their best friend. I don't know what I would do if I lost mine... thank you for sharing your feelings. I'll be praying for you my dear. <3

    Love,
    Hannah

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  17. let me just say that i love the idea of this post. secondly, you have to be the coolet person ever. thirdly, i know this might sound weird, but i really like how frank and to the point you were on december 8th. i've been going through a lot of that lately and you sound like i do when i journal.

    i hope you have a really happy 16th birthday. go out and buy yourself one of those giant chocolate cupcakes from costco and just eat it by a campfire and sing happy songs.

    k, bye. ♥

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  18. I read it all. You should publish it.
    because the confessions of your life are
    the confessions of every girl out there.
    and had i shown you the film roll of my relationships,
    you'd see broken things. broken promises,
    broken friendships, relationships that never made it out the dark room.
    i carried all that in me thinking i was the only one who thought like this
    and felt this deeply.

    so thank you. thank you and good night.
    and have the birthday of your dreams, sweet lady.

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  19. This is a great post. I love your honesty and how you're learning there's a way to be honest about your life without making your blog a dumping ground.

    Hope your sixteen birthday is ace!

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  20. p.s. i nod my head in agreement with everyone
    who says your writing is something special.
    like home-made ice cream -- no preservatives, just vanilla and rum truths whirled together in creamy paragraphs of sentiment.
    sometimes it's sweet stuff, and sometimes its bitter stuff. and that's okay.
    life being one big inconsistency makes you,
    and i don't care how unbelievably far-fetched this sounds,
    just as desirable as the authors of catcher in the rye or perks.
    you should publish something.

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  21. I've never met you, but I have been reading your blog for a while now, and I just want to say thank you. I'm sorry you had to go through all that, and I know you must be hurting. But I'm glad that you turn to God for comfort, because He is the sole comforter. I'm glad you wrote this, because it is encouraging to a lot of people (me included). Thank you.

    God bless your 16th year immensely in ways that you can't even begin to imagine now. Happy birthday!

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  22. I admit I didn't read it all, because I only just got home and had a pretty awful day (had to deal with a ridiculously rude instructor during traffic), but I read most of it. And first, happy birthday. I hope sixteen is a wonderful year for you. Second, your writing is beautiful. I love the way you write about life - you don't mask it or sugarcoat it or pretend bad things don't happen. And some people write about things like that and make it sound negative and awful, but you don't. Your writing is always so beautiful. I love it.

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  23. I read all of it. Beautifully written. One of the reasons I love your blog so much is because you are real, you don't dress everything up. I hope you are doing better now. On the eve of my 17th birthday, I stayed up till midnight writing in a notebook all I had accomplished in the last year. I didn't realise how much I had accomplished or experienced until I wrote it all out. I wish you the bestest of best birthdays :D SWEET 16!!!

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  24. happy birthday, Jocee!! I love this post, and your writing. I just want you to know I admire you a lot for being so original and so real. hope you have a beautiful birthday, and that 16 is kind to you. :)

    -Carli

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  25. I haven't read the entire thing yet, but I plan on doing so at some point because you're cool like that.
    However, I read the entry from November 28 and I really wanna give you a hug and congratulate you on winning that competition. I also caught the line where you said you composed your first orchestral piece when you were fourteen and thought, "What am I doing with my life?"

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  26. i don't comment much and i've never met you but i read your blog sometimes. i just wanna say that i like you and i like this post. you're real. i've always liked people who are real. i mean all people are but some are just really good at hiding it. to be honest it's hard for me to love those kinds of people.

    nobody should have to lose their best friend. i'm really really sorry for you. i wish i could meet you and we could do stuff together. cause to be honest you're kinda cool. and we both like like peter pevensie.

    you have a strong heart and you are beautiful.

    and let's just say that Jesus is really awesome and i'm glad you know that and i'm so glad he'll be the best friend who you can never lose.

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  27. i never write in all lowercase but that was actually really neat.

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  28. This post made me cry because I am going through the same exact thing at the moment. I have lost my two best friends. No one deserves to go through that kind of pain, especially you. I pray that everything turns out well.
    Happy sixteenth birthday, Jocee. I hope you have one that is as sweet as you. Cherish this moment, because this year is going to be special. :)

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  29. jocee, i don't know what to say after reading this. it's so beautiful and raw and real and i feel like the 30 commenters above have probably said it all but anyways... i love that you're so honest on your blog. i've tried to be honest before and had people tell me i was cliche but i think you do such a good job and sharing your heart in a way that other people will be able to get it too, you know? thanks for writing this because as bloggers it is so important for us to write stuff that matters. and i feel like you just did. so happy birthday, love. :)

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  30. I love how you ended it with "everyday is my new beginning, because i want it to be."

    Well, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I've had birthdays like yours before...I mean with all the issues and crying and stuff. It was when I turned...11, I think? Or when I turned 12? Yeah, probably then.

    Remember you're always loved.
    ~Jenny

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sometimes i do not understand why you guys like me so much, but the fact that you do (and that you keep coming around) makes me happier than you can even imagine.

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