4.22.2013

a study in human emotion || jocelyn.

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sans titre, lost in thought.
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"when you care about someone, you'll do anything for them whether they know or not because you can't stand to see them hurt."
self-portraits from a balmy march sunday.
have people ever commented on your facial expressions? people have often said i look sad or upset, or angry. at school, as i pass by, some people tell me to smile. i'm not aware of the way i look until someone points it out, and when they do, i try to look more open.

have people ever made wrong assumptions of your expression? my 'default face' is far from attractive,  but three quarters of the time, what i'm actually feeling is completely different. i look upset, but i am really lost in thought. i look sad, but i'm replaying past conversations in my head. it's funny, when i am actually sad, no one seems to notice. but when i am perfectly alright, everyone cares.

any facial (or bodily) tendencies you've been made aware of? my lips pucker up when i'm thinking. my eyes tend to give away what i'm actually feeling, and people would notice if they got past the fact that my eyes are brown and not black. my nose flares when i'm upset, i find myself smiling when i think of something (or someone) i like. i [silently] act out conversations, scrunched up nose and all. i weave my fingers together when i'm nervous, i also swallow frequently. things like that. i take a lot of time out of my daily life to notice myself. to really get to know myself.

assuming you don't know the people who made the previous comments about you, do your friends understand the person you are underneath your skin? robert brault puts this beautifully: "having perfected our disguise, we spend our lives searching for someone we don't fool." the people who know me well understand that who i appear to be on the outside may be very different from who i am on the inside. my friends don't always understand this and sometimes make snap judgements about me (such is life), and sometimes they defend me, since they know exactly where i'm coming from. it's an uphill battle because we're all young people right now, and we're outwardly (and inwardly) defining who we are. there are a few people who are spot-on all the time, and i'm especially grateful for them because i find myself relaxing and feeling less of a need to put on a face and be who they've always seen me as. the whole point of this project is to remind people that they can't judge a book by its cover. that people are not always who they are seen to be, that snap judgements are hardly on the ball. so to sum it all up, i would say half and half. that they're getting there, slowly but surely.

when you look in the mirror, what do you see? i see an incessant daydreamer. a wannabe-lover, someone who always try to see the best in things. i see a worrier and an over-thinker, i see the beginnings of prominent cheekbones that are threatened by diet-induced hunger. i see what i can pinch and i see the stardust that's inside. i see an actress of an alternative universe. i see someone who knows who she is (daughter of the Most High), what she wants, and eyes that dilate in happiness when she says so.

this is a new series i'm doing, and it focuses on showing the depth that lies within people. a basic reminder to all that beauty is not exclusively external, it is internal as well. and different people have different ways of expressing it. and yes, i interviewed myself. it's a good way of showing myself to you, and it's a good way to set this whole thing up. so i have a few more interviews lined up where i photograph someone and talk to them about themselves, and i'll be posting them in the near future. to say i'm excited is like saying i simply walked into mordor. which i didn't, so, i'm ecstatic.
-kiss kiss kiss, if only i-

20 comments :

  1. I know the feeling about people telling one to smile...frequently by people who I do not think deserve a smile. My sister said I look scared and my mom that I look sullen when I think I have a blank face...which now has me frowning more I think. Oh, and I frown when its too bright. Arg, expressions. One cannot go around smiling at everything and nothing, can they? Well, I smile randomly at my thoughts. I also think that when I am upset-I look more than I feel...or I reveal more than most people do.

    Sorry to go on and on about me, but this just resonates with some of my (much shallower than yours) thoughts on the subject. I like your deep, thoughtful posts-they are so unique... though I feel terribly commonplace when I read them. I look forward to the rest of this series.

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  2. I really like these pics, and this is a super great idea. looking forward to the rest of the series!

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  3. I can completely empathize with this. Frequently, people will ask me "what's wrong?" when I am perfectly fine. When I am concentrating (or like you said: deep in thought)I guess other people think I am upset or something.

    I love this a lot and I am looking forward to reading more of your interviews :)

    ---->> Kate

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  4. love this idea, jocee! gah, you are the fricking QUEEN of self-portraits. can't wait for more on this series!

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  5. Goodness.. There are no words adequate for how this makes me feel :D

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  6. The raw emotion in this is just.. WOW.

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  7. JUST STAWP BEING SO GORGEOUS. gosh, these are perfect. and your words... asdfghjkl.
    I can't wait to read more in this series. <3

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  8. Mmm...this is great. I can't wait for the rest of the series.

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  9. best. idea. ever. this is amazing! and how do you take such perfect self-portraits?! whenever i do half my face//body gets cut off... -.-

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  10. I think this is really neat. Intelligent and emotional at the same time. Your interview is beautiful. I'll be looking forward to reading more from this series.

    Signed,

    A long-time reader who has never commented (shame on me), Katie

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  11. Oh girl. You are a beauty. I mean really! You are absolutely gorgeous! And I'd like to steal your shirt.
    --

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  12. love these photos of you and your answers. i would love to see more of these! x

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  13. oh, jocee. this happens to me a lot. people always think i'm upset when i'm not. but that doesn't matter, because what really matters (as cliché as this may sound) is that i'm happy in the inside.
    also, i chew on my tongue when concentrated. i do this unconsciously, and i do it all the time.
    xo

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  14. Hey Jocee! I just followed your blog... it's lovely!
    p.s. You're so pretty. :)

    ~sarah wood

    http://afreemindsw.blogspot.com/




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  15. This is fantastic. And I really, really hope I can, ya' know, be part of it soon. Awesome project, darling!

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  16. "it's funny, when i am actually sad, no one seems to notice. but when i am perfectly alright, everyone cares."

    I agree completely. <3
    ~Jenny

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sometimes i do not understand why you guys like me so much, but the fact that you do (and that you keep coming around) makes me happier than you can even imagine.

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