friday morning, the air is warm and heavy with humidity. everyone has their goggles on so the sun won't set their eyes ablaze. i don't remember what swimsuit i'm wearing, but my cap is red and my insides are still asleep. blue, if you want to put a colour to it. everyone in our age group is huddled together, listening to whatever it was coach is saying, but i suppose i am particularly standoffish that day because i am alone. so you walk over, legs as thin as the squints of my eyes and look at me. "do you need a hug?" "no." "i think you need a hug." we are standing on the deck, and the only thing compatible about our skin is that it's coated in water droplets. you are smaller than me and if your arms weren't wrapped around me i would've cocooned you. i remember nothing else.
i tend to blame myself for a lot of things. for example: the fact you didn't like me. johanna says people like you aren't good, and we haven't spoken in almost two years but you're getting older now, and if we saw each other again, i think it would be okay. incidentally, darling, i haven't forgotten, but this time i know you do not remember. and that's okay, too.
-kiss kiss kiss, comes too soon-