i'm saying something.

it's almost as if when i say "things have been really hard lately and i can't explain that," things stop being really hard. at least in the specific area i'm referencing. and that's what happened a little after i wrote my last post. and it makes me wonder what the point was of saying anything. it makes me wonder if there was anything wrong at all. 

i think i was going to go somewhere with that and lead into the main point, but i can't find a way to put two and two together. i just saw something that made me think, and i want to talk about it. 

so i'm on my instagram and i'm one of those people who occasionally checks who likes my latest posts/how many likes, etc. (i probably do it obsessively, but i don't care.) and i noticed someone liked my post (it was a picture of plants) (i really like plants) who i didn't immediately recognize, so i clicked on their profile. (it was private. awkward.) fortunately, they had a blog link. and i clicked it. and it was this sweet girl. i didn't plan on scrolling much but i realized she only had like two posts, so i read them. and the second post really got my attention. it was amazing. 

i came to realize that when someone creates a blog, they often write an introduction post detailing what they're blog is going to be about, and then they write some cute, fluffy posts before really getting to their blog's content. i understand i can't say this for everyone, because everyone has different personalities and ways of approaching things, but this is what i've seen. 

madison's second post was about hurt. and it takes a lot of people a long time to get to the point of talking about it. maybe it's because they don't want to scare away their readers, maybe it's because it's not normally what they put out. sometimes people suddenly go against their flow and talk about something abnormal. maybe that's because they feel like they have to say something somewhere. maybe it's because they'll be eaten alive if they keep it in.  

i guess what i want to tell you is if you're hurting, please don't be afraid to say something. please don't feel the need to continue as if you're functionally properly when you're internally bleeding. in the blogging community that i know, people take the time to listen to you and try to understand what's going on. and even if you don't say something here, this applies to every area in your life. it took me months to tell someone i hated my body (again). and the fact that i stayed silent so long just added to the problem. so with whatever you're going through, even if you are afraid, talk to me. i'll listen. talk to someone you can trust. after all, you trust them for a reason. sometimes the first step is getting it off your chest. it's a part of letting go. 

i got the inkling{??} to write this post a few days ago, and since then i'd been battling off and on about whether or not i should post 4th of july photos or mention that i was up north for a week and a half. but i'm going to camp tomorrow, for two weeks. it's the same camp i've been going to since i was five years old. there won't be any guests posters this time, or scheduled posts. that's been tradition for a long time, i know, but i think now it's okay to deviate from that. 

i'm going to get myself back. it's been a long time coming, but it's here. 
i love you guys, and i hope all of you are doing okay, and if you're not, i trust you will be soon. 
-kiss kiss kiss, what to heq-


  1. Oh, wow, that's really brave of her. Unfortunately, I'm one of those people who tend to keep things inside because I'm afraid people will think I'm an attention-seeker, or they'll say 'oh stop, it's not that bad'...But it does feel really great to vent and to get rid of a burden, even if it's just writing in a personal journal to yourself.

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  3. :) it somehow makes me happy to see this post. maybe it's because Madison is a friend or maybe because now I know it's ok to talk about hurting -- we're all human.

  4. I keep coming back to this because it touches something deep down inside of me. When I read your soothing words above, I feel comforted to know that others know the pain of blogging. It hurts to see that I only have one follower [I'm not saying followers are all that matter]. It hurts to have no comments and no page views and no feedback. It hurts because I feel alone. Because the blogging community is so vast and there's so darn many creative people, its very easy to get lost in the background; it hurts to be only "another blogger". It hurts not have a voice. For some reason your words above forced this all out of me. So, I'm saying something.


    1. so i read your latest post and the part that said "quit beating yourself up" really got me. because i do that so much, sometimes without even realizing it. and i took it to heart. (a word of advice: taking your own advice is actually really hard, but it's one of the best things you can do.) i actually read through quite a bit of your blog, and lemme tell you, you're doing good. it's beautiful, you're beautiful. and i would comment on every single post (if i could find the comments section?? :P) just to tell you that. i love you, and it's okay. please don't stop. you can do it. <3


sometimes i do not understand why you guys like me so much, but the fact that you do (and that you keep coming around) makes me happier than you can even imagine.

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