9.17.2011

stockings

for some reason i've had quite a fascination with stockings, and yet, i don't know what draws me to them. 
that almost lacey feel against your skin, the unlimited patterns created with it, the innumerable shades of white, black and brown; ivory, onyx, nude, chocolate. 
knee highs, leggings. what the heck, even jeggings for that matter. but with all these things, they seem to create an illusion. it's almost like magic. you see it, you marvel at it, but what's behind the glitz and the glamour? 
stress. hateful words. abuse. but then the final touches are put on and it looks like a safe, smooth procedure. 
stockings are the same way. a safe, smooth procedure. or is it? what happens if there's a tear in the fabric? something is exposed. so i guess it's not a safe, smooth procedure anymore, is it? let's look and see what's behind that torn fabric, shall we?
pain. abuse. scars. maybe your brother came home late and took it a little too seriously when you said you were going to tell mom. you were just teasing. don't be such a five year old! but no, he took it to heart, and there's a scar on your calf that just won't seem to go away. so what do you do? you cover it up. darn, liquid foundation won't work, you'd have to drench all of your legs in it. self tanner would probably get it infected. so, with nothing else to turn to, you stoop down to the level of 1980's "fashion" and put on stockings. 
why? for the sake of peace. for the sake of covering up. so it'll look safe and secure and nothing will seem to have gone wrong. thank God. 
but do we have to go this far, just to make it look like everything is okay? you can't confide in anyone, tell them what happened; trust them? i guess not. 
and thus, we stick to the ivory, the nude, whatever fits our outfit for the day. bare skin isn't in style anymore, girlfriend, get with it! 
you can hide anything with these stockings. well, almost anything. just make sure no one sees the tear stains on your face when you leave the bathroom. make sure no mascara is running down your cheeks. 
it all looks safe and smooth. 
so no one has to see what lies beneath.
{note: this is my very first 'imperfect prose' post. i've had this post in my drafts for a long time, but i never published it because i thought it was stupid and no one would understand it. but then i saw this thing that Rachel was doing and realized i could use this post. what do you guys think? i hope you like it.}
-kiss kiss kiss, kiss kiss kiss-
{pee ess: my lowercase letters obsession hasn't worn off yet. oh well.}


4 comments :

  1. great post!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

    love you,
    manda<3

    ReplyDelete
  2. It's beautiful, Jocee. Absolutely beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh deary, I absolutely love this.
    It's so true.
    Absolutely beautiful, and amazing.

    ReplyDelete
  4. this is exactly it. this is the heart of imperfect prose. you nailed it friend.

    ReplyDelete

sometimes i do not understand why you guys like me so much, but the fact that you do (and that you keep coming around) makes me happier than you can even imagine.

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