10.20.2012

kind, smart, important [and brave].

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i think that when it comes to kids, there are no "special needs." i think that you should give the child what they need, when they need it, and do it to the best of your ability. i'm not talking about changing diapers or making them breakfast, i'm talking about the things that they'll either forget within minutes or remember for the rest of their life.

i think the second time i babysat for w. and g., g. had a little meltdown when she decided not to cooperate. i don't remember what exactly she was doing, but after protesting against me for some minutes, she plopped down on the floor and tears flooded her eyes and spilled over like a glass sitting under the faucet for too long. i asked her what the matter was. i'm a bad girl, she said. you are not a bad girl! you're a good girl! i said. then why do i always do bad things? her lower lip was dramatically thrusted forward. i think it's because we want something that someone else doesn't want for us, and we don't want to let go just yet, i whispered. i'm a bad girl, she repeated again.

but this time i didn't answer immediately. i sat back, took a deep breath, and decided to say the words that an old friend had said to me innumerable times before. (the help, to be exact) g., i want you to look at me, in my eyes, and repeat after me: i am kind, i am smart, i am important. i'm not a bad girl, i'm a good girl. it took some convincing, but she repeated after me. then, she threw her arms around me and cried for a little, but it was all better sooner than later.

so it came as such a shock to me this morning when ms. e. picked me up from the house and said don't have a heart attack, but they're moving. it hasn't hit me yet, but i think it will at some cold, rotten hour of the night, with such force that i won't be able to shake it. when we got to their house that stood on the corner, the driveway was a growing mass of mugs and candle-holders, and baby toys and things that were going to be sold. w's room was literally storage, so he and g. had to sleep in the same bed.

i know an hour away doesn't seem that far, but when g. asked me if she'd see me next week, it seemed like a million worlds away. i don't want them to go. i've gotten used to them. i've fallen in love with the feeling of holding a little one in my arms as they drift off to sleep, and i can't really let that go yet. i don't think i ever will.

when they took me home, i told g. that she was kind, smart, and important all over again. she said she didn't remember my saying in the first time, but i told her that she did now. the best part, though, was that she added and brave to the end of my sentence.

that's it, my little rapunzel.

you're brave. so you go get 'em. i love you and w.

-kiss kiss kiss, smile because it happened-
{pea ess: oh look, that's my face, and it's moving. consider this a vlog for now, guys? yeah.}

25 comments :

  1. oh no!!!!!! this is so bittersweet my dearest!
    Hang in there, and don't say goodbye—say see you later.
    I may or may not have gotten teary with your words

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  2. Lovely post, I really loved the vlog :) They're so cute. you are kind, you are smart,you are important, and you are brave ♥

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  3. Jocee...this? this. is. precious. You nearly had me in tears watching the video. Your heart is beautiful, and I love how your love for those children is so great. You'll make a beautiful, wonderful mommy some day.

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  4. I love the video and the photos. The kids are so cute! :)

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  5. oh lord. this broke my heart into a thousand smithereens. there. now you've gone and done it. i'm crying now. thanks.

    seriously, though, i know how you feel. my little siblings are like my own kids, and when i have to move out, and let them go, i have no doubt it will kill me.

    bravo for your bravery, babe. love you lots. xo

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  6. this is so precious...i love children too!
    beautiful photos, beautiful vlog and beautiful writings, jocee :)
    xo

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  7. Nooo, Jocee! Please don't cry. It's makin' me tear up too. Such a sweet post and video! Those kids are very blessed to have you as their babysitter. And if ever one day, I'm sure your kids will be blessed to have you as there mum.

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  8. I can tell that you love them so much and they love you! The video about broke my heart :(

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  9. What you said to her...I would have never thought of. You're amazing, and I am sure it's so hard for you.

    Emma Kate ◕‿◕

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  10. <3 Such a beautiful post. Little children are such a beautiful inspiration.
    -Kate

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  11. and here I am, sobbing at your sobbing, because your sobbing makes me sad and the thought of my (figurative) kid leaving makes me want to curl up in a ball and die, and sob some more. it's too much, just too much.
    xoxo

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  12. oh my goodness. yeah, i got a bit teary. if i was a little kid i'd want you to babysit me. xoxox

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  13. Can you please credit the help? You didn't make that saying up:) and people think you did

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    1. thanks for reminding me, dearie! :)

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  14. oh my. wow. so cute. I bet they think you're the best babysitter ever. :)

    -Carli

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  15. jocee, this is the most beautiful thing I've read/watched in a long time. I am literly bawling. the video is perfect, you are gorgeous, the photos are darling... it is all just lovely.

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  16. oh, this breaks my heart. stay strong! xo

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  17. oh my, you have me tearing up over here. this is so bittersweet. your pictures, words, and that video is just wonderful. hang in there girl, love you! xx

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  18. Beautiful writing. Kids are so easy to fall in love with, they're little smiles and tears and hearts that are figuring things out faster than we can imagine. Sorry that they're moving. The Help changed my life. I read it sitting at the pool watching kids and thinking how important that mantra is.

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  19. I love the pictures. I love the cat. The kids are so cute. I've just finished The Help a few days ago. Cheer up, they aren't moving that far away. You'll still be able to see them. :)
    You inspire me.
    Smile,
    ~Jenny

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  20. sidenote: your tears made my heart break for you. you're precious<3

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  21. Jocee, you are so inspiring.
    First time ever that a short, little vlog has moved me.
    You never fail to fascinate me with your posts.

    They just get better. And better. And more real.
    Thank you for that. You are truly making this blogging experience worthwhile.

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  22. That video was preciousness! I know this sounds a bit strange---but you have such a beautiful voice! I'm sorry about the little ones moving, that would be hard...but I'm sure they will ever forget the fun they've had with you, and all the memories made!
    Love you, Joce!

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  23. Oh my gosh, Jocee! Whenever you cry in videos, I ALWAYS CRY. SERIOUSLY.

    I love you, this is amazing... i love this video so much.

    xo,
    rn
    www.rachelnicoleblog.com

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sometimes i do not understand why you guys like me so much, but the fact that you do (and that you keep coming around) makes me happier than you can even imagine.

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