7.06.2013

because who i am in someone else's eyes can help me see the way i should see myself.

(watch in HD 720) 
who are you, really?
you are not a name or a height, or a weight or a gender. you are not an age and you are not where you are from.
you are your favorite books and the songs stuck in your head; you are your thoughts and what you eat for breakfast on saturday mornings.
you are a thousand things, but everyone chooses to see the million things you are not.
you are not where you are from, you arewhere you're going, and i'd like to go there too.
-m.k-
ocean took this poem by m.k (with permission) and revised it to show me that what she thinks of me is not as harsh as i see myself. i rebelled against descriptions of the freckles i sometimes wish i got in the summertime and made the above video my biography. because this is who i am, really. and i am gladly realizing that i am fearfully and wonderfully made. so i guess this is her opus two, her letter to me. and i am forever grateful.

i honestly cannot stop saying 'i am.'
-kiss kiss kiss, dance of the gray-

16 comments :

  1. So great. There's a quote that says that we're our own worst critics (or something like that), and I really wonder what I'd see if I could look at myself objectively, without immediately noticing and grimacing at all the things I hate about who I am, from my absurdly skinny body to my eyes to my insides.

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  2. this is so beautiful. you never realize how hard you are on yourself until the people you know tell you what they see of you and what they think of you.

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  3. gahhhh your voice...your words...dude it's making me tear up. This is just so beautiful.

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  4. OMG OMG I'm so glad that I can finally comment on this because I have been longing to write a long comment since the first time I watched this a couple of hours ago.

    You are so beautiful, in every way possible. Your writing, your photos, yourself, everything. It doesn't matter what people say about you, and it doesn't matter what you say about yourself. You can't be compared to anyone else, because everyone is totally different, and we all criticize ourselves on a daily basis.

    Honestly, I am jealous of you; of your blog here. How you can somehow make everything that you write flow straight out of you. I wish that I had that, and I'm working on it. And I'm jealous of your eyes, and your skin. I was talking to my mom today, and I was saying that I wanted to meet another photographer/writer, and she said "you don't know anyone like that who lives here?", and I said no; because I want to meet someone like you. You are a rare and special kind of person, who is beautiful from the inside out and enjoys most everything that I do. and here, I just haven't been able to find someone like that.

    I write this because I would have trouble saying it in person. I write this because I have flaws that I can't overlook and this little video has helped me. In you, I see a beautiful person, who keeps pouring her heart out in this space, and making herself vulnerable, despite the things that people say, and I really like that about you; and though I really don't know you, I would like to, because you continue to inspire me.

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    Replies
    1. so come visit me in austin and we'll have p. terry's and talk about attractive british bad boys (#jocelynapproves).

      but seriously, i swear. this is so touching. probably the most touching thing. and i started getting realllyyyyyyy vulnerable as i read this, so. brava. everybody go home, ryan wins.

      and i must say: this is a pretty brills piece of writing, right here. ;) <3

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  5. this is so lovely, jocee. i don't have anything profound to say, but i just want you to know that i watched this and it was beautiful.

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  6. To kind of add to what Ryan was saying... I AM SO JEALOUS OF YOU. (in a semi-healthy way, if that's possible.) I've wished I was you far more often than I've wished I was me (have I ever wished I was me more than someone else?).
    But then you posted this. And I am more than the talents I don't have, the words I can't say, the tiny, scared self that I am, the bigness of my thighs, or the weight of sin that I carry. I am more than my more than flawed face, I am more than a tiny blogger in a huge community, I am more than an awkward teenager that can't decide easily, I am more than the words of anger I speak and the actions full of sin I commit too easily. I am more than an insignificant human being, being born and dying in the same day, with no point. And the ONLY reason I'm more than all this, is because I HAVE BEEN WASHED CLEAN by the blood of Jesus.

    you are so beautiful, joc.

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    1. 1) your photography is beast.
      2) to quote charlie, you are not small, you are beautiful.
      3) you look fine. you always do, okay? you are so much more than the harshness of your own critique.
      4) your sin is inconsequential when compared to the love and death (and rising again) of Jesus Christ. we all screw up, but we're covered. that doesn't mean we waste ourselves away with sin, that just means that when we inevitably do something wrong, God inevitably forgives. He loves us so much that He can't help it. it's automatic. that doesn't make it any less meaningful, He just wants us to carry out every single wonderful thing He's created us to do.
      5) your blog is beast. your writing tattoos itself onto the parts of me i can't express. and that's how i express them. when i talk about colours, i'm talking about you.

      you are ivory+melon like a linen summer morning, and anyone who tells you the opposite is a vulgar shade of green.

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    2. you are lovely. I AM SMILING SO BIG RIGHT NOW.

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  7. this is unbelievably beautiful. wow.

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  8. i cannot contain all my feelings for this post right now. genius, and so beautifully done :)

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  9. confession: blog posts don't make me emotional. like, I've read some good blog posts, and they make me feel, sure. they're beautiful and raw and dazzling. but you know how some people say they cried over a blog post? I...don't do that. but this post. it gave me chills. in a good sort of way. like whoa. you are beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. not just your writing, or your words, or your voice, or your photos, or your talent, or your style, or your face, but you. your soul. you're beautiful, jocelyn. don't let anyone tell you otherwise, and treasure those who tell you the truth.

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    1. confession: i didn't cry when i read this. i mean, i've been sneezing all day, so it looks like i'm going to cry. but i didn't physically cry. i emotionally flew over the grand canyon, though. isn't that the same thing?

      but seriously, thank you. thank you thank you thank you. i just. thank you. okay. i'm done.

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  10. Love, love, love.
    This is amazing. Your voice is enchanting. And you are gorgeous.
    Exquisite videography ,darling.

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sometimes i do not understand why you guys like me so much, but the fact that you do (and that you keep coming around) makes me happier than you can even imagine.

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