the screening.

every wednesday at 5pm, i go to a movie screening in the geology building for my RTF class. i usually sit where what i guess the theatre majors call stage right--but really my left, by myself with a frosty or leftover vitamin water or a pint of bluebell. i haven't exactly made a good enough friend who i can sit with consistently. everyone has their own group of people. i'm generally just there.

this week's screening was accompanied by a soft drizzle outside the auditorium doors. most everyone was in sweatpants or those awkward garbage bag things that keep you from getting wet. it was a lot colder than what we were all used to and i guess we didn't know how to handle it. i wore a black cape with grey roses in front and a black dress with my black bag and black umbrella. they say black is supposed to keep the heat in, but it didn't really do anything of the sort. at the very most, i looked decent. and most of the time, we sacrifice warmth for decency.

but i'm not taking a philosophy class, so please ignore the last three or so sentences. also, i'd had my first salted caramel latte that day. it was delicious. the last few sips are the best part.

at this particular screening, we watched sunset blvd, because in class we were covering italian neorealism and coming to the era of film noir. we've watched a lot of classic movies this semester, and i have to say they're nothing like i expected (citizen kane was kind of a downer, but the technology was great) but sunset blvd was so good (albeit dark) that i can successfully say it's one of my favourite movies. maybe the weather or the overall droopiness of the day had something to do with it. either way, i thought it was great.

i feel really bad now, though, because i'm not really here to talk about citizen kane or sunset blvd. or anything like that. i'm here because i think i've found out something very important. and i just so happen to have found that out after the screening of sunset.

i usually leave the auditorium after everyone regroups with their friends to talk about the movie. this week was no different. i walked into the hall, stopping to button my cape and adjust my purse and when i continued towards the door i caught part of a conversation these two girls were having near one of the artifact cases. i know there's something to be said about hearing things in context versus out of context, but i haven't gotten it out of my mind.

so she's like "i'm thinking 'you're sixteen years old! you don't know anything!'" and the other girl is like "ugh, i hate sixteen year olds" and i'm thinking "were you not just that age yourself? how can you say something like that about someone who's likely said the same thing about you?" and i realize this is where the disconnect between adults and adolescents begin. in college, the ideals and responsibilities of adulthood are thrust upon us (more by our peers than our professors), and we're suddenly expected to behave as though high school and everything before it is a distant memory, that this is it: this is where the journey ends--i am an adult now and everything i have waited for has somehow become insignificant. the freshmen are still so... fresh that they retain parts of who they were before they came here but somewhere along the line they lose it. they are subconsciously swallowing the idea that they are only 17 or 18 or 19, they who they are doesn't encompass every age they've been or every year they've been alive. does that make sense to you? maybe the reason why there is such a gap between adults and teens is in order to be accepted into a new society, you have to leave part of yourself behind. and as a freshman (and equally a sophomore), i don't want to do that. as a junior or a senior i don't want to do that. at any age during my life i don't want to be the person that looks down on others because it's not socially acceptable. i keep seeing people post and reblog the following: "be the person you needed when you were younger." how can you be the person you needed when somehow, you forget that person even exists?

i guess i'm saying no matter where you are in your life, whether you've graduated college or graduated kindergarten, remember who you are. 
don't ridicule that person now, don't ridicule them later. we always complain that people don't understand us. don't be the person people complain about.

-kiss kiss kiss, all you gotta do is say-


  1. I was just thinking about how people ridicule those younger than them and how unjust that is. Since when did adding two years and a lot of loans to your life put you in a position to criticize people who are what you used to be? This irritates me to no end. Thank you for writing about this, Jocee. It needs to be heard.

  2. a thousand times yes.
    this is so so important! and you put it perfectly.

  3. you're pretty smart. thanks for writing this. :)

  4. your words always hit something in my core.


sometimes i do not understand why you guys like me so much, but the fact that you do (and that you keep coming around) makes me happier than you can even imagine.

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