just little things {316 - 331}.

316. the sizzle a burnt-out match makes when it's put under running water.

317. sweating candle wax.

318. having a good laugh with a stranger.
319. when something you want costs less than you thought/is on sale.
320. good ideas.
321. waking up rested.
322. giving someone a kiss for the first time.
323. remembering your dreams.
324. answering the phone on the first ring.
325. when something goes better than you think it will.
326. good comebacks.
327. having class outside.
328. the first day of spring.
329. and when the green comes back into the earth.
330. when there are concert tickets still available.
331. when someone does something for you for no reason.

nice things i've experienced over the last several weeks. things that make me glad i'm alive.
-kiss kiss kiss, time moves quickly-

third time's the charm.

in between class periods, my friend's brother, tc and i, decided to sing. on monday, we did a cover of chasing cars. and this is how it goes.

-kiss kiss kiss, remind me to-

the ground is wet, but it's not raining.

so, i have twenty minutes to find out everything about her existence. it's dark and the ground is wet, but it's not raining. texas weather, i guess. i walk into the hotel, look around the corner, and all she, her mom and sister can say is "you're so tall!" so i apologize and lean down to hug her,
and it went from there. meeting ryan gracie on saturday was menagerie of awkward moments, forgotten memory cards, difficult lighting,
and compulsive giggling. plans for mismatched polaroid edits, spontaneous hair ruffling, accessory giving.
it was short, it was loud, and it was all together worth it. and i miss her already.

-kiss kiss kiss, ace-
{pea ess: photos of me credit to her, and to her mom for the photo of both of us.}

i actually didn't come in like a wrecking ball.

original photo

i mean, i used to idolize hannah montana because it was something i was never allowed to watch. and i didn't care much about miley cyrus when she did "party in the USA" and "can't be tamed." and i'm not much more enthusiastic about her now. but my friend said this song would be good for my voice, so i tried it out. never thought i'd really like this song, but to be honest, now, i do.

-kiss kiss kiss, wowza-

{pea ess: so overwhelmed by the response to my slam. 

i love you all dearly and you can be sure i'll be doing more in the future!}

i like this recording.

origin

i like this recording because my aunt and uncle are wrapping presents upstairs. i like this recording because grandma is clearing the table and joy is bouncing on the sofa. i like this recording because i can't control myself and my speakers can't handle the gloria. i like this recording because it crackles like rice crispies on a day without school. i like this recording because it was made with love, and i don't think i'd change it
for anything. part of helayna-ocean's care package. merry Christmas, more to come.

-kiss kiss kiss, osage-
{pea ess: yes that is me playing the piano.}

we know that time goes, but it always comes back around.

saturday was the first day of winter and i only noticed the day after. just sort of popping in to say hi, everything is okay, or at least getting there. it doesn't precisely feel like Christmas, but i'm happy enough with the memories that i've (we've) collected across the past few days.
(you'll soon see they were nothing short of grand.) i guess i'll be hanging on to those like the last leaves hang on our tree.
don't fret about time. we know that it goes, but it always comes back around.

-kiss kiss kiss, the ombre bazookas-

pardon the idiocity.

and then on some sundays, i accidentally open my iPhoto application and this comes up. there are certain things you cannot pass by, like when you're on tumblr and you're scrolling and you're like "well i can't not reblog that so." and in the same way, i couldn't not share this.
so here we are once again, as idiots for (y)our enjoyment.

-kiss kiss kiss, perches-
{pea ess: we know it's idiocy. just go with it.}

allow me to tell you your story.

original photo

a few things. numero uno. i don't know if it's been going around or if it's an exclusive thing, but some people have been submitting secrets to writers, and they in turn put up some poetry based on it. i like that idea. i like it a lot, so i've decided that i want to do it too. tell me a secret (anonymously or no) and i'll write you a thing. this kind of ties into the other thing, so numero dos. i don't know if you knew or if this is the first time you're being notified, but i'm writing a book. it's kind of a collaborative effort. i'm looking for people to tell me a story. it can be fiction, it can be poetry, it can be anything. personal experiences, all pertaining to the middle ages (the teen years). all stories will be anonymously (or not, if you don't want them to be) put in my book mixed in with my own writing, and eventually [hopefully] published. so calling all existing human beings. i need you. email me because i'm handing out deadlines and cracking the whip. the best stories are the ones that are unafraid. so what have you got to lose? 

-kiss kiss kiss, the ritz-

we interrupt your regularly scheduled posting to inform you that

i was on houston radio last week. i probably haven't explain this in more detail, but i was out of town for five weeks to attend the american festival for the arts musical conservatory. i am glad i went, because had i not, i wouldn't have written my string quartet or first film score {!!!}. for promotion purposes, my friends tyler, victor and i were interviewed about the collaboration we did with the houston ballet. 

and they even.played.our pieces.on.the radio. {hint hint - i'm first.} listen up, wind down, enjoy.

-kiss kiss kiss, enigma-

together is a place i won't soon forget.

i don't often get a magazine in the mail, but when i do, i cut out all my favourite pictures and paste them into my moleskine after dark.
i'm all for posting the deep down, blerghy and rugged parts of life, but there isn't a law that says you can't post something that's just plain old pretty when you feel like it.
-kiss kiss kiss, the adjustment bureau-

a study in human emotion || jocelyn.

self-portraits from a balmy march sunday.

have people ever commented on your facial expressions? people have often said i look sad or upset, or angry. at school, as i pass by, some people tell me to smile. i'm not aware of the way i look until someone points it out, and when they do, i try to look more open.

have people ever made wrong assumptions of your expression? my 'default face' is far from attractive,  but three quarters of the time, what i'm actually feeling is completely different. i look upset, but i am really lost in thought. i look sad, but i'm replaying past conversations in my head. it's funny, when i am actually sad, no one seems to notice. but when i am perfectly alright, everyone cares.

any facial (or bodily) tendencies you've been made aware of? my lips pucker up when i'm thinking. my eyes tend to give away what i'm actually feeling, and people would notice if they got past the fact that my eyes are brown and not black. my nose flares when i'm upset, i find myself smiling when i think of something (or someone) i like. i [silently] act out conversations, scrunched up nose and all. i weave my fingers together when i'm nervous, i also swallow frequently. things like that. i take a lot of time out of my daily life to notice myself. to really get to know myself.

assuming you don't know the people who made the previous comments about you, do your friends understand the person you are underneath your skin? robert brault puts this beautifully: "having perfected our disguise, we spend our lives searching for someone we don't fool." the people who know me well understand that who i appear to be on the outside may be very different from who i am on the inside. my friends don't always understand this and sometimes make snap judgements about me (such is life), and sometimes they defend me, since they know exactly where i'm coming from. it's an uphill battle because we're all young people right now, and we're outwardly (and inwardly) defining who we are. there are a few people who are spot-on all the time, and i'm especially grateful for them because i find myself relaxing and feeling less of a need to put on a face and be who they've always seen me as. the whole point of this project is to remind people that they can't judge a book by its cover. that people are not always who they are seen to be, that snap judgements are hardly on the ball. so to sum it all up, i would say half and half. that they're getting there, slowly but surely.

when you look in the mirror, what do you see? i see an incessant daydreamer. a wannabe-lover, someone who always try to see the best in things. i see a worrier and an over-thinker, i see the beginnings of prominent cheekbones that are threatened by diet-induced hunger. i see what i can pinch and i see the stardust that's inside. i see an actress of an alternative universe. i see someone who knows who she is (daughter of the Most High), what she wants, and eyes that dilate in happiness when she says so.

this is a new series i'm doing, and it focuses on showing the depth that lies within people. a basic reminder to all that beauty is not exclusively external, it is internal as well. and different people have different ways of expressing it. and yes, i interviewed myself. it's a good way of showing myself to you, and it's a good way to set this whole thing up. so i have a few more interviews lined up where i photograph someone and talk to them about themselves, and i'll be posting them in the near future. to say i'm excited is like saying i simply walked into mordor. which i didn't, so, i'm ecstatic.

-kiss kiss kiss, if only i-

and yet.

my eyes aren't anything particularly special. it's not the first thing people notice about me, and if they do notice, they get the colour wrong (black, instead of brown). i've never liked them very much, because i thought i didn't have a reason to. and yet. 

someone noticed it while he and i were swinging on the bench by the fire. maybe it was him, maybe it wasn't. but they told me that my eyes looked nice and that they were sorry they hadn't noticed it before. they said they looked like hazelnut, like chocolate mixed with cream, like the coffee they were trying to cut down on. and they wished they had eyes like mine even though theirs were blue/green/gray and i've always wanted to know what it'd be like to have eyes of that colour. 

my eyes aren't anything majorly spectacular, and yet, since then i haven't been able to shake the smile that arises when the sun tells me not to give its hiding spot away to the house across the street. i guess what i'm trying to say is, i won't always love every aspect of myself all at once. but i think i love this part.

-kiss kiss kiss, be my thrill-

let's make this happen.

first, i'd like to say that i'm perfectly capable of doing what i'm about to ask you to do. it's just that i'm always the one photographing cupcakes and i'd like to see you do it for a change. so here's where the idea came from, and here's what i want to happen:

i always had this idea for my blog design. i've always wanted my cupcake and dictionary photo to be together. not in a collage, i've actually wanted a cupcake to be next to a dictionary, and i've wanted them to be photographed, together. why i haven't hopped on that idea in these two years of cupcake dictionary, i don't even know. but now that i think about it, i think it'd be a good opportunity for you guys (as my readers) to show me your cupcake-making skills. so this is a contest of sorts.

here's what's going to happen. you get to photograph a cupcake and a dictionary together. you can dress it up as much as you like; get creative! you don't even have to make the cupcake; you can buy it from a shop. you can take the photo with your dslr, point + shoot; heck, you can post it to instagram! whichever photo i like best will be my one and only header photo for my new blog design, and you'll be credited for it (obviously). i do have a couple of ground rules, though. i'm sure we can follow those easily, though, yeah?

• deadline is march 1st 8th 15th.  deadline is whenever i say it is.
• only one photo per person. i don't care, spam me with cupcake photos!
• in the dictionary, flip to a word you like and tell me why you chose that word. it can be any word you want (no curse words, please). cupcake, dictionary, nostalgia, anything! but tell me why it's important to you.
• please link me to the photos using either flickr, photobucket, imgur, or instagram. that way it's easily accessible. feel free to put the link in your comment.
• have fun! 

so now, i leave you with the above [completely unrelated] gif (because all i want right now is coffee), because not everyone has to put fantasy-like photos in their posts to make them worth reading. or even photos at all. happy weekend!

-kiss kiss kiss, if this is redemption-

untitled.

good morning.

hey, i murmur, clutching my mug closer to my face. how are you?

i'm good. ha, you cold?

eh. i just woke up. throat's a bit sore like it is every morning. and i'm always cold, no matter what. sometimes even in the summer.

i would make you something hot to drink but it looks like you're ahead of me. he points to the cocoa that steams through the foam skin. 

yeah. i try not to talk much in the morning, actually. you're my exception today.

nice to know that i'm special.

always, i smile, letting a few teeth show. i start talking again, vacantly, almost to no one in general. i don't know. every morning when i get out of bed, i put on socks, maybe a sweatshirt, brush my teeth so my mouth isn't closed solid, drink a lot of liquid to wake me up, and i'm still a bit hoarse.

i think you sound a bit... sultry. like ella fitzgerald.

she's my favourite. smile again.

i know, you told me before.

a sigh. i have music class today and i have to sing for my professor and i'm actually a bit nervous because i'm still not adjusted to the day.

it'll get better.

i know. it always does. i just need time. if i had it my way, no one would talk before 9 or 10am. we'd all sit at a big table and drink orange juice and read the paper and notice the necessary air that we'd all be sharing, and when the clock struck we'd open our mouths, ready to face wallstreet and whatever else requires talking.

but until then?

i just sit here in my 'office' chair, listening to beethoven and ed sheeran--

--who?

we'll work on that, dear.

okay, good. a pause. voice better now?

a bit, yeah.

hey, it's 10am now.

really? i open my mouth, yawn. good morning, hi. it's nice to see you.

mixtape and things actually worth reading coming soon. i feel so unvarietable but it's inter-universal singles awareness day and i actually like someone and i'm listening to ed sheeran with butterflies (or stardust) in my stomach and it's late and rachel t's birthday and i just. i just... goodnight.

-kiss me like you wanna be loved-

just little things {240 - 265}.

240. when the blinkers on your car and someone else's are in sync. 

241. making it to a store right before it closes. 

242. daylight savings. 

243. waking up and realising it's the weekend.

244. looking outside just as the streetlights come on.
245. when the song you requested on pandora finally comes back on.
246. perfect lighting (ahem-ahem [photo above]. which for the middle of the day in broad sunlight is fantastic. but more on that later).
247. surprise parties.
248. when someone offers to buy that for you.
249. coming home to family on school breaks.
250. turning on the tv just as your show comes on.
251. picking out something to buy and finding out that there's a discount on it.
252. when someone's wearing the same shirt/skirt/jeans/shoes/etc as you.
253. saying the same thing at the same time as someone else. #twinsies
254. winning rock/paper/scissors after a long tournament.
255. perfecting your signature.
256. finishing one song and starting another and realising they're both in the same key.
257. seeing actual emotion and empathy in someone's eyes.
258. catching snowflakes on your tongue.
259. seeing a shooting star.
260. when someone says you made their day.
261. the way a little kid pronounces your name.
262. when you're at a restaurant and you see someone else ordered the same thing as you.
263. when you're at said restaurant and the waiter comes walking with a tray of food that looks like it's for another table but it ends up being yours instead.
264. running into friends.
265. a song called 'little things.'

for the record, i don't love one direction. i think they have some pretty good music, but i am not obsessed with them. and i do believe that someone can like a band or artist without being truly and utterly enthralled with them.

okay so that happened. anyways, with that being said, i just wanted to take a little moment to say that we (me and six other girls) relaunched an ordinary utopia. and you guys should know by now that i am a firm believer in the fact that there can be extraordinary in the ordinary life, and that one doesn't have to live a specific way in order for there life to feel special and exciting. i don't really want to get very deep into this right now because i have a whole post dedicated to that subject (and another subject of that sort) later on. i just wanted to let you guys know that AOU is back. there are some different things, some necessary and some convenient. and i'll appear for the first time (in a long time) on that blog next saturday. and i'm really excited. and i hope all of you take a few minutes and click on over, and i hope you take off your virtual shoes and get comfortable and take a moment to gaze at the stars (both the ones in the sky and the ones on the header) and make new friends and basically not feel alone. the reason i write these little things is because i get this exciting fluttery feeling in my stomach when they happen, and i want to share them with you because i want you to have that same fluttering feeling. and i want you to know that the huge moments in life aren't the only moments and life. 

and that also, the huge moments may turn out to be these little ones.

-kiss kiss kiss, well and time-

{pea ess: right. so tomorrow's my 2nd blogaversary. stoked.}

of times gone by.

on this MLK day, i sit at my house watercolouring useless things, eating baby carrots, and basically getting my strength back after miles of walking in today's parade. i have to admit, that when everyone recited dr. king's "i have a dream" speech, i was dying to break out in song from les miserables or tangled. however, when it comes to les mis, i didn't want to cast a pall on the celebration by belting out 'then the tigers come at night...' so unfortunately, i kept my singing to myself. ...until now. #ehehe #joceeswag.
and incidentally, that's all i have to say today. #dealwithit
-kiss kiss kiss, i dreamed a dream-
{pea ess: ALSO. an ordinary utopia RElaunched today!! check it out!}

five lists.

• things i love photographing • 

nature

intimate facial expressions

nature (did i mention nature?)

my feet in various places in the world

what i'm eating

my lips (don't even get me started).

• nicknames i love •

jocee (#wellthankscaptainobvious)

honeypie/honey child

carri (after carol, my middle name)

jocee-bocee

dearheart

sweetie-pie

pretty much anything ending in "pie."

• things i find myself staring at •

couples kissing/cuddling/holding hands/nose-nuzzling/laughing-with-foreheads-touched on benches in the park

children (ages 5 and under, generally) tugging on their parents' arms (it reminds me of the kids i babysat and it breaks my heart and makes me more excited for mommy-hood at the same time)

food (#letsbehonesthere)

tom hiddleston, eddie redmayne, and colin morgan

pretty people in general

latte art

dust on windowsills

thighs/arms/ankles/cheekbones/hair/eyes/noses

film photos of the ocean

watercolours

messy buns.

• things i want in my first home •

tons of natural light

an open kitchen

a kitten named tabbey cat

fresh flowers on the kitchen windowsill

a waffle iron

a phonograph

an ivory tub

a menagerie of books and music 

food (i don't wanna die of starvation, you know?)
freaking tom hiddleston

a space for a garden

an outdoor dining area

good friends

good food

and a good time.

• #hashtagsiusefrequently •

#holla

#ehehe

#joceeswag

#YUS

#joceeshouldnotdowhatshewants

#seriouslythough

#FEELS

#dudebro

#WAT/WUT/WHAT

#asdfghjkl (fangirl speak)

a menagerie of miscellaneous phrases that include both capital and lowercase letters; for example: #hELP #nO #WAtISTHiS (this usually occurs when i literally just cannot anymore).

i figured "why not?" when the idea to do a post like this came into my head. i think it's nice to give people a sense of who you are personally, not just on a level of blogging but on a level of friendship as well. and hannah, who created these posts, has been doing a lovely job of that. some of the things listed here are things that i probably wouldn't tell you if we were together in real life; you'd probably have to figure them out on your own. so here they are. also i'd like to point out that i wrote this paragraph with my head down so i can't see what i'm typing. #joceeissocoollike
-kiss kiss kiss, asdfghjkl-
{pea ess: jason castro is following me on twitter. ed sheeran was in town for a concert yesterday.
i don't understand why this is happening but i like it.}

her eyelashes held secrets her lips would never tell.

at first, i just wanted to learn how to draw a messy bun, but that escalated into a project in which the subject is a girl who has been judged for her appearance all her life. what may at first look like typical facial features (eyebrows, lashes, nose, lips) are actually words that outline her face. phrases that make sense and some that don't, but all are things that she wants to tell the people who sneer at her for the clothes she wears and her overall thinness that is actually naturally attained.

basically, with whatever medium of art that i choose, i want to tell a story. i want to create depth in 2-dimensional beings and i want them to fly off the page and live. but most importantly, i want you to see that there is a story in everyone. in fact, everyone is a story. and simply looking at them and judging what they wear or what they look like isn't going to get that story told. so dig a little deeper. reach a little higher. and you'll get the prize.

seriously, though, i love messy buns.
-kiss kiss kiss, to write love on her arms-

untitled.

some forgotten frames from last month.
{reading} the devil wears prada, nanny returns, the fault in our stars.

{listening} restless by audrey assad. i am going to play this song at my wedding.

{eating} animal crackers (soo good).

{drinking} hawaiian punch.

{anticipating} the new season of downton abbey airing tonight!

{loving} God's grace.

{looking} merlin (his cheekbones, seriously); season 4, episode 7.

{inspired by} kinfolk vol. 5.

i don't know what to say, truthfully. so far, my 2013 is going well, even though i'm 6 days into it. one of my grandma's friends (who treats my sister and i as though we were her own grandchildren) sent me a book of encouragements that are meant to be read everyday of the year. and remarkably, i read them at just the right moment in time, because they all have something to do with the day that i am having. it's strange and it's amazing and i am thankful for the people that God's planted in my life to help me stay steady while a lot of people are trying to rip my sails, so to speak. so honestly, i've cried in these first 6 days. they haven't been perfect. but i just keep remembering that every step i take is getting me closer to my ultimate goal, and that is enough to keep me stepping. 

today is sunday, a lazy sunday. we stayed late after church and talked to friends and i made several (failed) attempts to find someone to go see les mis with today. i think i'm going to watch it next weekend. we had pizza for dinner and everyone in my house is alarmed at the amount of pizza my sister is capable of eating (she almost had 4 pieces). downton abbey and the biggest loser are premiering tonight, and so mommy and i will frantically be switching channels to see who the dowager countless of grantham insults next and who will become the object of jillian's eye (Lord help them). i have an abundance of various teas from lovely friends (thank you, eve) and am looking forward to making my transition into a full-fledged Brit. i'm finding myself develop a crush on one of the blue men (more on that later) and am doing my absolute best to remember everything that happened while i was volunteering for blue man group this past new year's eve/day (don't worry, i still love tom). also, i find that every male i tend to fall for is british and i am so okay with that. but all in all, i'm just glad that my creative area smells like cupcakes. 

i am very good at being random.
-kiss kiss kiss, i would so blue you-