3.02.2012

i'm coming out {nine} real or not real?

{one} {two} {three} {four} {five} {six} {seven} {eight}
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i've been playing real or not real with myself lately. you love cupcakes. real or not real? and i tell myself, real.  you think algebra ii is the solution to all things. real or not real? and i mentally scream, not real. you love will. real or not real? and i can't give an answer. you love josh. real or not real? and i can't give an answer. and i ask myself if i love tim tebow, and i can just as easily say real. 

that's one of the things that sucks about crushes. every girl i know likes a guy because of their looks, and when they find someone else who's better looking, they drop the previous guy. why? because they claim they never really had feelings for them. oh really? no way. i don't want to be like that, but recently, i finally realized i've been doing it all my life. oh sure he's attractive, but him, oh, he's just hot and that's all there is to it.

but i haven't done this with tim. i mean, sure, he's attractive, but i don't like him for his looks. i like him because of his commitment to God, and nothing else, really. i can't have feelings for tim, not that way, but for every other guy? i can have any feeling that i please. why? because it's just a typical guy with good looks and great acting skills. but there's nothing that stands out. he doesn't really set himself apart from the others.

i don't mean to make this into another "all about tim tebow" post, but he's really helping me make my point. i'm liking boys for all the wrong reasons. only now have i understood what the word "crush" means: 
a brief but intense infatuation for someone. note the second word. brief. a crush isn't what gets you married and living happily ever after. and i eventually want that to happen to me someday. but gallivanting off from one boy to the next is not going to bring you absolute happiness. and if it does, i stand corrected.

i think ellie put it beautifully: I’ve also realized that ‘having a crush’ isn’t really the right term, in my opinion. Because, when we hear that, we think ‘Oh, she thinks he’s cute, she want’s to hang out with him.’ But when I say I have a crush on someone, that’s not what I’d want my friends to read it as. I’m not that girl who thinks boys are cute and therefore flirts away with no real interest in them at all. I’m that girl to whom ‘having a crush’ means discovering you trust that boy more than anyone else, and that you love talking to him, and you want to get to know him better. I’m that girl who doesn’t like boys to be ‘in a relationship’, but who likes guys in the hopes of someday finding a permanent relationship someday.

this was the way it was with eli. this is the way it should be with every guy. i shouldn't be playing real or not real with myself when i know perfectly well that the answer is going to be not real. and quite honestly, i shouldn't even be playing this game with anyone but my husband, and for him i know the answer is already real. i can still like boys, of course. but i have to look at the bigger picture.

so, let's redefine a crush, shall we?
-kiss kiss kiss, hug peeta bread-
{pea ess: here's ellie's full post. i think you need to read it. in fact, just bookmark it! it's that good.}
{pea pea ess: while i'm in this real or not real mood, would you like me to tell you how i'd like to be proposed to later on? i think you'd like it...}

17 comments :

  1. yes! I want to hear how you'd like to be proposed to :)
    my friend told me that tim tebow was dating taylor swift. um...

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  2. this was positively amazing. that is exactly what i mean when i say i have a crush on someone -- ellie is brilliant! i'm going to go check out the full post.

    xoxo,
    Jessica @ Diary of a Beautiful Soul

    p.s. yes, please tell us how you would like to be proposed to =D

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  3. and you just put my exact thoughts in a blog post. how do you do it?
    you know, i tell cole that i like tim tebow, but not because of football skills. i like him because he isn't afraid to be different from the world, and he loves God with his everything. and that's the kind of guy i am attracted to. i don't care what he looks like on the outside, i just care about his heart and if he belongs to Jesus.
    btw, i am all in on redefining a crush. yesyesyes.
    thank you so much for writing this. you're super, darling.
    xoxo,
    gracie

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  4. i would love to hear about how you'd like to be proposed to. :D love this post--you're ever-so-inspiring dear :)

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  5. i won't tell myself that i like a guy if there's nothing other than the looks i like. the personality has to draw me in. that's my number one rule. (:

    p.s humor and a great smile helps too!

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  6. oh, how would you like to be proposed to? :)

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  7. true that sister. you said my words exactly.

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  8. Great post. Ellie is so right.
    I know my crushes were (I no longer have a crush) mostly based off looks, but there is a guy that I kind of have a crush on, but not for his looks, but because I like talking to him. You know.

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  9. Love, love, triple love!
    And to make things even more confuzzling... I find there's a definite difference between having a *crush* on a guy and being *attracted* to a guy. But like I really need to make the realm of love anymore brain-smoshing :P

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  10. Thank you so much! I'm freaking out right now! I really didn't think that post was good at all, I just wanted to remember it, do I'm glad you liked it!
    You have no idea how much it means for youto say that!

    I am never getting over this....
    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxo

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  11. Hey there Jocee :) Didn't know if there was a linkup here or not, I just did some may or may nots and thought you would like to see them :)

    http://themeltedcamera.blogspot.com/2012/03/i-may-or-may-not.html

    xoxo
    Sophie:)

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  12. you know, i read this earlier, but it took reading it a second time to really get what you're saying. and i don't think i've ever seen my thoughts so perfectly written out. i agree with you completely on everything you've written here :D thanks once again jocee :)

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  13. Your awesome.. nuff said.
    Guess what?! I'm eating a red velvet cupcake with vanilla butter cream frosting this very second...I'm sorry, that was a bit mean of me ;) cupcakes are yummy :)

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  14. you put everything so beautifully. and I agree x100. crushes should be more meaningful then just a judgement on looks... I guess it just further devalues the real meaning of love.

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  15. You are SO right! I totally agree. Crushes should be more than just looks. Now, I'm thinking....

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  16. If you haven't read this book yet--

    http://www.amazon.com/When-Writes-Story-Expanded-Edition/dp/1601421656/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1330801330&sr=8-1

    It's a great read. And it's really inspiring!

    - Mackanzie

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sometimes i do not understand why you guys like me so much, but the fact that you do (and that you keep coming around) makes me happier than you can even imagine.

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